Gratitude is an unsung superpower
As every mother knows, a little inhouse appreciation goes a long way
Before I begin, I have to confess that, pre‑motherhood, my absolute worst fear was that one of my children would be a gifted ice‑skater, talented rider or promising footballer.
All that time I would have to spend getting up early or staying late, driving them across the country and hanging about on the freezing sidelines made me shudder.
Oh, yes, and the intolerable pressure being put on them. I’m not a complete monster. But mostly it was all about me.
Then they were born, I loved them with breathtaking ferocity, and all at once I was at great pains to discover and vigorously nurture any inchoate sporting genius they might have.
Did I feel disappointed when the big daughter lost her passion for diving? Yes. Dismayed that the small daughter doesn’t like playing football in the current cold snap? Absolutely. Hypocritical, I know – but parenthood is nothing if not one continuous act of revisionism.
So despite the fact my progeny are probably (see, how hope springs eternal?) never going to win medals on field or track, when the Duchess of Cambridge attended a Sportsaid event this week and applauded the crucial role that parents and caregivers play in supporting their ambitious young people, I nodded in agreement.
As she spoke about those mothers and fathers who moonlight as “transport and logistics managers, nutritionists, laundry service, psychologists, financiers and, crucially, the ones that provide love, support and encouragement when things are tough”, I felt it was a pretty good job description for all of us muddling through child‑rearing, whether in the Premier League of parenting or its Sunday kickabout equivalent.
“You may not always feel appreciated, or sometimes even noticed on the sidelines, in the car park or sitting high in the stands. But I am so proud that Sportsaid recognises how key your role is, and that they understand the challenges and worries you face,” said Kate, herself a mother of three.
Her message was ostensibly aimed at the adults; I sincerely hope the kids took note, too. As every mother knows, a little in‑house appreciation goes a long way. But with so many of our offspring fixated on social media affirmation, likes and followers, they can forget to reach out to the actual humans who care about them most.
If we are doing our job right, and our children feel secure, they will inevitably take things for granted. But we need to remind them to both express gratitude outwardly and feel grateful inwardly; for big things like opportunities, for little things like homemade pudding on a school night.
Gratitude is an unsung superpower. Scientific studies show that people who consciously count their blessings tend to be happier, less depressed and more resilient.
Positive psychology research at Harvard Medical School reveals that gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity and build strong relationships.
I have a hunch that gratitude explains why religion is deemed good for our wellbeing: the latest figures from the Office for National Statistics indicate that those who follow a faith are more satisfied with their health.
Without wishing to sound like a motivational Pinterest board, gratitude turns what you have into enough. Gratitude bestows tranquillity. Gratitude gives our busy minds the head space to appreciate not just the people but the places, flora and fauna around us.
The National Trust is launching a year of action to connect people more with nature every day, having commissioned a poll that showed six in 10 of us listen to birdsong. What a loss. There are few sounds more joyous and astonishing than the dawn chorus.
Back in 2018, researchers from the Institute of Psychiatry, Psychology and Neuroscience at King’s College London found that the wellbeing boost from hearing birdsong, seeing trees or looking up at the sky persists in urban dwellers for up to four hours.
That feelgood factor has a waterfall effect; those who enjoy green spaces and wildlife are more grateful for them – and far more inclined to preserve them.
To some degree, “mindfulness” is a repackaging – in some instances, the commercialisation – of gratitude. The stressed and the frazzled are encouraged to take time out, concentrate on the present moment, value stillness and focus on whatever single, simple action they are engaged in, whether drinking a cup of coffee or the warmth of the sun on their face.
What is most extraordinary about gratitude is that you can decide to feel it right this minute if you want. About anything. And once you do, your perspective immediately shifts.
If comparison is the thief of joy, gratitude is its benefactor. Admittedly, I would be over‑egging it if I claimed Woods Towers was a Fotherington‑tomas wellspring of “Hullo clouds, hullo sky” wonder and awe. But we do all thank each other a lot – for cooking supper, fresh bed linen, random kindnesses.
Albert Einstein put it succinctly: “There are only two ways to live. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” So did Monty Python: “Always look on the bright side of life.”
Whichever you choose, pass it on to your children. I tell mine that gratitude is the gift that keeps on giving. And that I am happy to let them practise on me, while, inside, I feel grateful they inherited my parlous lack of sporting prowess.