Love in the time of corona: I’m not panic buying... I’m panic dating!
Kate Mulvey was a happy singleton – before the pandemic. Now, she’s trying everything to find a man she can self-isolate with
To find yourself single and unmarried in midlife is bad enough, but to be on your own in the time of Covid-19 creates a new kind of predicament. As a trip to the shops becomes a high-stakes activity, and each day brings more frightening news, while my married and couple friends have started battening down the hatches and cocooning themselves with pasta and Netflix. Overnight, my life as a happy-go-lucky solo has dwindled to… well, zero, as the friends on whom I rely for companionship have disappeared. The only communications I get now are cheery “Don’t worry, Kate, we’re all in this together!’ messages. Only, we’re not.
Last night, one married friend jokingly informed me that, while she is frantically blitzing their flat with her Dettol gun, her husband is cooking delicious meals and selecting feelgood films for them to watch.
I know she didn’t do it on purpose. But what has become clear is that as this benign self-interest takes hold, those of us on the margins of society have woken up to find ourselves staring into the abyss of a new kind of super-loneliness, with only stockpiled cans of baked beans for company.
I haven’t seen anyone for a week. Just having someone in the same room, chattering endlessly about nothing in particular (once a bugbear of mine), would feel like bliss.
So, instead of panic-buying, I have started to panic-date. And so, it seems, has everyone else. “There has never has been a better time to find someone,” says Gillian Mccallum, founder of Drawing Down the Moon introduction agency, who says that since the coronavirus pandemic began, she has seen a more than
20 per cent rise in men and women desperate to meet their beloved before the world implodes.
There is something in our hardwiring that craves emotional warmth when the chips are down. So my search is on to find a man just cute/ interesting/caring enough to hunker down with until the Covid-19 crisis is over. I have signed up to several reputable dating agencies – Telegraph
Dating, Plenty of Fish and Our Time – and sent emails to a cross-section of half-decent men who don’t live far.
But I’m also getting messages from men I crossed off my “to date” list months ago. One balding academic from Guildford suddenly rang me at 8am, with an offer to “isolate together” and then Whatsapped me a page of virtual hugs. OK, so he’s no dreamboat, but he’s kind and interesting, which in times of coronavirus ranks higher than perfect abs and chiselled features.
So how do you go about finding a Covid partner when everyone is selfisolating? Geographical proximity is a must. There’s no point looking for men in Blackpool or Skegness if you want someone to come around at a moment’s notice bearing tasty goodies and a stock of slushy movies. Dial down expectations. It pays to tear up
I’ve dialled down all my former dating expectations. Honey, there’s a war on
the “must-have” list of attributes and be less picky. Honey, there’s a war on.
Keep your distance. With holding hands and a goodnight kiss off the agenda, it’s a return to old-fashioned courting. Watch a film together, each in your own armchair, a great way to have a layer of human comfort without spraying droplets on each other.
Don’t let fear win. Yes, we’re all wondering if the man opposite us has washed his hands, or is incubating the virus. As long as you don’t jump on each other, you should be OK.
Meet and go for a walk – at a safe distance from each other – to get to know each other. Just make sure you have hand sanitiser at the ready. Invite him round for “Netflix and togetherness” – and wipe all the surfaces before he arrives. My flat has never been so sparkling. Then, at the first sign of a dry cough, ask your date to leave. Romance isn’t dead, but it doesn’t want to die just yet, either.