It’s not the social distancing that gets us, but the awkwardness

It might have been funny, if it hadn’t been so unnerving. Yesterday morning at the Academy of Medical Sciences in London, Sir Patrick Vallance, the Government’s Chief Scientific Adviser, and Chris Whitty, the Chief Medical Officer, held a briefing for journalists. Unfortunately, however, it wasn’t easy to concentrate on what they were saying because throughout one woman kept coughing.

Cough. Cough. Not continuously, but at intervals of about 30 seconds – while sitting mere feet from those leading the battle against coronavirus.

Of course, it may have been harmless. But I don’t know, because the entire room simply pretended not to notice – so as not to seem impolite.

So British. If there’s one thing we fear more than a deadly pandemic, it’s the risk of mild social awkwardness.

Later, at his daily news conference, Boris Johnson tried to lift the nation’s spirits. “I think we can turn the tide within the next 12 weeks,” he declared.

Frankly, though, it wasn’t clear how he could be so confident – especially as people were still ignoring his advice to avoid pubs. In parts of London, he conceded, “people aren’t following [the advice] in quite the way we need them to”. Even so, he remained reluctant to enforce tougher measures. Once again, he was merely “asking” – rather than ordering – the public to stay in. “I know it’s tough,” he murmured, “but please, please, please follow the advice …”

He sounded like a father, desperate for his teenage sons to think him cool.

“Terribly sorry, chaps, I don’t mean to be a bore, but would you mind awfully not spreading a killer virus to countless innocent people? I hate to go on like this, but you know how worked up your mother gets about the prospect of mass death on an untold scale …”

In general, it was a somewhat rambling performance – never more so than at the end, when Mr Johnson abruptly appeared to row back on the confident claim he’d made at the start, about “turning the tide in 12 weeks”.

“I cannot stand here and tell you that by the end of June we will be on the downward slope,” he said. “It’s

possible – but I simply can’t say that’s for certain. We don’t know how long this thing will go on for.”

Bemusement reigned. It was as if someone else had made the “12 weeks” claim, and Mr Johnson was now calmly but firmly setting them straight.

I’ve watched a lot of politicians’ debates. But this was the first time I’ve watched a politician debate himself.