Bryony Gordon
An honours list for coronavirus
People reveal themselves in a crisis, and the same can be said for countries. At any normal time, you would be forgiven for thinking that the UK was run by businessmen and bankers, politicians and other people in unreachable positions of power, most of whom live in turreted castles or gated communities with indoor swimming pools and staff. But this is an abnormal time – I think we can all agree on that – and it is in these abnormal times that we really see who is running the show: not the rich and the famous, but the key workers who are the absolute backbone of this country.
Without the NHS, without the supermarkets, without the teachers and the delivery drivers, we would have fallen apart days ago. I would not be writing this column: I would be working out how best to roast my husband in the oven, and which bits of him to eat first. And it seems to me – now more than ever – that “column writer” is one of the more useless jobs to have, so I feel I need to step up to the plate and use this space for some good.
With this in mind, I would like to call for a comprehensive overhaul of the honours system, with all this year’s gongs going to the hard-working people who have gone out of their way to keep the country going during this unprecedented time.
No celebrities, no quango bosses, no rich party donors whose sole contribution to public life has been loaning someone in the know their house in the Caribbean.
Let the next few honours lists feature only the truly great and good, the people who have run into the fire while the rest of us sit at home stoking it on Twitter. In this spirit, I would like to start by nominating a few of the people I have encountered this week (at a safe distance) who have really gone above and beyond the call of duty.
Mr Bevan, my daughter’s teacher, and all the other staff at her school
This week, teachers across the country have gone into classrooms, which are effectively Petri dishes full of disease, and proceeded to teach everyone in them – people who are, at the best of times, challenging, but who now need even more guidance and help.
For children, as well as being Petri dishes, are sponges, and they absorb all the anxiety and uncertainty out there no matter how hard one tries to shield them from it.
On top of this, once the children have gone home, these teachers have had to work tirelessly to come up with a comprehensive home-education plan, to give out to panicked parents. Those who can, teach – and now seems like a good time to remember that.
My friends Laura and Helena, and all the other front-line NHS workers out there
This should go without saying, obviously, but I feel I should give special mention to Helena who, as well as being a doctor, is also the mother of a wonderful eight-year-old boy with complex special needs, who she now needs to isolate for 12 weeks. Shout out, then, to all the unpaid carers, the people who are working and trying to protect vulnerable loved ones. We must remember them, and do all we can to support them.
Hassan the postman, and all his Royal Mail colleagues
Hassan delivered me my contact lenses yesterday. He stood by the garden gate and told me that should we need anything during this surreal time, we only had to ask. “We are here for the community,” he smiled, before going on his way cheerfully.
Every single delivery driver out there
Thanklessly lugging rolls of loo paper and tins of tomatoes to your door, without once making any judgment about the British propensity to stockpile in a crisis. Just imagine how hard they must be biting their tongues! I mean, the self-restraint that must involve.
Ditto supermarket workers
I keep hearing reports of people being abusive to the staff stacking supermarket shelves. To which I can only say: stop it. Stop it right now. It is not their fault there’s no loo paper or dried pasta – they are doing their best in exceptionally trying circumstances. I also keep hearing officials pronounce that there is enough food for everyone if people stop panic buying – and perhaps it would also be good to mention that there are enough manners for everyone, which we would all do well to remember when confronted with miles of empty shelves.
The deep-cleaners
Coming into contact with stuff the rest of us wouldn’t touch with a bargepole. Knighthoods to the lot of them!
And…
Anyone who has heard a rumour from their sister’s partner’s best friend who works in the Army that we are to be locked down at 5pm… but refused to repeat it.
Yes, this is the kind of behaviour that needs to be honoured right now.
Everyone at my local pharmacy
Exhausted, run off their feet, and probably quite tired of having to explain that you weren’t allowed to buy more than two packets of paracetamol even before the coronavirus crisis, thank you very much.
Oh, and…
Laura Lexx, the comedian who wrote that viral thread about what it would be like to be married to Jurgen Klopp… and any other person using the internet to spread humour, rather than rumour, in these dark times.
This is not an exhaustive list, and there will be more to add in time. If you would like to nominate someone, please don’t hesitate to email me on the address above.
Without teachers, the NHS and delivery drivers, we’d have fallen apart this week