Don’t mention the score: when social distancing raised a laugh
The Likely Lads were unlikely pioneers of selfisolation, with hilarious results, says
Almost five decades before the coronavirus lockdown, the Likely Lads – Bob and Terry (Rodney Bewes and James Bolam) – were perfecting the art of social distancing and self-isolation. They were trying to escape something arguably even worse than a bout of Covid-19: the England score.
In “No Hiding Place”, a classic episode of the Seventies sitcom Whatever Happened to the Likely Lads?, Bob and Terry are determined to avoid the football result so they can watch the replay on TV that evening. Pursued by loudmouth pal Flint (Brian Glover), who bets them a fiver each that they can’t last the day without hearing the result, Bob and Terry go on the run. They claim sanctuary in a church at one point.
Even in the era before social media and rolling news, avoiding the football score was easier said than done. My own father remembers that during the 1976 home internationals, he blundered in from the pub and gave away the England vs Northern Ireland result – after his father-in-law had spent all day avoiding it.
Ian La Frenais, who, with writing partner Dick Clement, co-wrote the series, tells me “No Hiding Place” was based on a true story.
“It did happen to someone we knew,” he says. “But the ironic thing was that three or four years later, Dick and I were living in LA and doing the exact same thing. We’re eight hours behind and we’d record the English games. If the phone rang, the first thing we’d say was ‘Don’t tell us the score!’ because we thought it might be someone from England.”
It remains the series’ bestremembered episode. “Because of football,” says La Frenais. “Everyone’s so passionate about football – it just resonates with everyone.”
Indeed, the entire series is a classic (with far more depth than its more knockabout predecessor, The Likely Lads) and beautifully captures the very English obsession with class as Terry, returning to Tyneside after a spell in the Army, finds a world he no longer recognises and a best friend, now married to the sharp-tongued
Thelma (Brigit Forsyth) who has arriviste tendencies. “No Hiding Place” neatly sums up the smart social awareness and relationship between the old pals.
In the opening scene, Bob takes Terry to the hairdressers and asks them to bring his friend into the Seventies. Terry is shocked by what he sees – “Girls? You never had girls
Tom Fordy
‘This episode is talked about fondly because people are passionate about football’
in a men’s barbers,” he says about a woman working on the desk there – and doesn’t understand why he should have his hair washed. “I only washed it Tuesday week.”
The pair retreat to the pub to try to avoid the football score (imagine a pub not showing the football now) before being chased out by Flint, who threatens to reveal the score and claim his fiver apiece. The lads take refuge in a church, but not even a House of God can protect them from the football result, it seems. The biggest gag comes as the pair drive past a newspaper seller. Safely back at the house and with 10 minutes to go, Bob gets prematch nerves and Terry reveals he accidentally spotted part of a newspaper headline: “England F-”.
“Well it’s obvious isn’t it? England flop! England fail! England fiasco!” cries Bob. He’s wrong, of course. In the punchline to the episode, they discover the match was postponed due to a flooded pitch. The full headline dawns on them: “England flooded out.”
“No Hiding Place” was remade by Ant and Dec in 2002, with a cameo from Bewes as the newspaper seller. Bolam is reportedly less enthused about the legacy of the show. There were persistent stories about a falling-out between the pair, though La Frenais says the reports were overblown. “By the second series there were press rumours that they weren’t getting on,” he says. “But those were exaggerated.”
La Frenais says the series “cemented” him and Clement as comedy writers, and Porridge came quickly on its heels. While Whatever Happened to the Likely Lads? isn’t as well remembered as the Ronnie Barker classic, the problem of avoiding the football results persists.
“It happened to me the other day,” says La Frenais. “Someone rang up and said: ‘Great result!’ I thought well that’s an hour and a half b-----ksed.”