A park patrol is the perfect way to alleviate boredom and identify idiots

‘Perhaps the most obvious example of “nuances” being “misinterpreted” is Derbyshire Police’s use of drones to spy on ... walkers in the Peak District’

Tough times for the police. Especially now the weather’s improving. If people get bored with staying in all day there’s a risk that they’ll abandon the rules on social distancing, and head, en masse, to the local park.

Then again, if Twitter is anything to go by, most of the people down the park this weekend were busybodies who only went there for the pleasure of snitching on others. I didn’t go to the park myself, but I can imagine the type of conversations they were all having.

“Hey! You! What do you think you’re doing in this park?”

“I’m tweeting photos of people who shouldn’t be here.”

“Not you as well. I’ve lost count of how many of us there are now. Hang on. What’s this picnic blanket for? And all this food?”

“Well, a man’s got to eat. I’ve been here since the crack of dawn.”

“Fair enough. Getting a bit peckish myself, actually. Mind if I join you?”

“Sure, sit down. Nice to have some company for a change. It’s lonely work, keeping an eye on selfish idiots who refuse to observe social distancing.”

Parliament may be in recess, but Commons select committees are still able to operate (if only by video call), and yesterday the MPS on the home affairs committee questioned a number of senior police figures over their handling of the crisis.

All the interviewees said that overwhelmingly the public were following the rules; only a small minority were letting the side down. They also acknowledged that, in the early days of lockdown, some officers may have “misinterpreted” the “nuances” of the new rules. Still, that was only to be expected. After all, said Simon Kempton of the Police Federation, as a trainee officer he’d never been given a course on “how to police a global pandemic”.

Then again, perhaps the most obvious example of “nuances” being “misinterpreted” is Derbyshire Police’s use of drones to spy on dog walkers in the Peak District – yet Peter Goodman, Derbyshire’s chief constable, insisted that it had actually worked out well.

Yes, the use of drones may have been “a bit controversial” – but it had “created a conversation” with the public about the meaning of essential travel. And since then, he said, there had been “a huge drop-off ” in people visiting the area. He was also proud of the way his team had used social media to “engage young people”. In a video, shared widely online, a Derby police officer had performed a rap she’d written about the guidelines on social distancing.

Sample lyric: “Go stretch your legs, but only one time/do as we say or you might get a fine.”

Mr Goodman told MPS that the video had “gone down really, really well” in the local area. “You’ve probably seen it go viral,” he beamed.

Possibly not the ideal choice of word, in the circumstances, but the MPS seemed to know what he meant.