‘You can’t cuddle your grandkids on Facetime’
Like many families, Fran Babb and her parents are feeling the pain of having to distance from loved ones
If I have learnt anything from lockdown, it’s that I really, really love my parents. In times of panic, it’s always been them who I’ve run to. Exam results, break-ups, redundancies, hangovers, babies, hangovers with babies… and I cannot think of a single thing I’d like more in the world (coronavirus cure aside) than to sit on their sofa and watch them run around after Raffaella, my 19-month-old daughter, her howling with laughter, shouting “mama” and “bapa” at the top of her little lungs.
But, like so many families in lockdown, distance is the only option for the foreseeable future. I’m in London while they are in Surrey, but we’d still manage to see each other every three weeks or so. So when lockdown happened, I was terrified about my happy place being unavailable, about my daughter not being able to see the grandparents she loves so and I cried big, fat childlike tears about the prospect of weeks and weeks of separation from them.
My parents quietly did what they do best. They tried to make things better.
It was on day two of our isolation that my phone pinged with a message from their phone. It was a video of my mum reading Little Bear’s Bedtime, a favourite of Raffaella’s, with mum showing the pictures to the camera as she went along, describing what she could see on each page, just as she would if we were next to her. It was the best present I’ve ever been given.
She did one the next day, and the next, and then I ordered them new books from the internet. Those videos have become the highlight of my daughter’s day, and mine – and now, thanks to their presence on Instagram (@mamababbstorytime), they can be a highlight for anyone desperate to bathe in the warmth of parental love amid all the madness.
So many of us need this in these most peculiar of times. My best friend Facetimed me almost in tears to show me the care package her mother-inlaw had sent her two-year-old daughter. Stickers, hair clips and some contraband chocolate, a collection of favourite things in lieu of a cuddle.
Another told me that her mother was writing and illustrating a story for her three-year-old son, something she had never done before. Small acts of love that mean the world to their recipient.
There are grandpas jumping on Facetime tutorials to help the home schooling, grandmas playing Pictionary on the app Houseparty. Family online quizzes have become a thing, with everyone shouting and laughing and talking over each other, almost like we were all together again.
So to Mum and Dad/mama and Bapa, to Nonna and Grandad, and to all the grandmas and grandpas out there, thank you, really, for holding us all together, even when we’re so far apart.
‘Grandpa’ Babb, 70
We are cautious because I had throat cancer at the end of last year. The worst part of lockdown is not being able to see our grandchildren, Charlie, 13, Georgia, 11, Scarlett, 6, and Raffy. Usually we would see them at least every couple of weeks – they are all growing up and changing and we are missing that. It’s all very well having Facetime, but you can’t cuddle them, they can’t sit on your lap, you can’t play together. Just before the lockdown, we had four days when we took Raffy out on our own every day – we’re so looking forward to being able to do that again. When our son Toby and the whole team turned up at the front window on their bikes, it was lovely seeing them all. Unfortunately, you can’t even do that when you are living miles away.
Little things to keep in touch mean so much – we enjoy Facetiming so we can be there for story time before bed, because we love that when Raffy stays.
We lie on the bed, and she’s in her sleeping bag, ready for bed, with her wet hair, joining in with the story. We miss that a lot. We can’t wait for things to be normal, so we can cuddle the grandchildren, and pick them up. It will be so lovely to see them again.
‘Grandma’ Babb, 70
We wouldn’t do terribly well if we got the virus, I don’t think, so it’s best to be cautious. If it was just about us, we wouldn’t be bored, but it’s really missing the family, and in particular Raffy, because she’s at a magical age where every week makes a difference.
We’ve had two remote grandchildren birthdays so far in lockdown, Charlie and Georgia, and made photo walls full of their pictures with bunting and balloons.
I think you have to be a bit stoic, because you don’t know how long this is going to go on. Maybe it’s our generation; you fill the time with other ways of keeping close, like sending them parcels. I’ve got little Raffy stations around the house. I’ve got her reading chair with the teddy on it and some books sitting next to it. And I’ve got another teddy and his cot in the lounge. That’s how we deal with it, really. We’re being sensible, because we have to think of the bigger picture.