HOW TO BE A GREAT ‘ZOOMER BOOMER’
I’m no stranger to video calling. When my son and his wife moved to Sydney and had children I knew that if I didn’t master Skype, I wouldn’t see them for months – even years. Nor would they see their grandparents and we’d be strangers when we met.
Some friends, who’ve been forced to try video calls for the first time in lockdown, say they find it stressful and awkward. I did, at first. But during many years of having to replace a hug with my granddaughters, now aged 13 and 11, with an on-screen wave, I’ve learnt how to be a great Zoomer boomer…
Don’t expect small children to sit still and entertain you. Prepare things to tell them, or show them – funny pictures, a decorated hat, a (very) short story – be proactive. If they are toddlers – and older – they love blowing kisses goodbye and seeing you reacting and pretending to receive the kisses.
Don’t loom on Zoom. Family members should be able to drift in and out. Talk to your children and, when the grandchildren have wandered off, don’t ever say “Where’s he gone?” Vary the scene. This morning, I wandered around the garden, so they saw the wisteria, listened to the birdsong and watched our daft English setter playing games. My Australian grandchildren love dancing and gymnastics, so I’m always treated to a display. It’s flattering that they think I can join in. “This is how you do trampolining, Nana.” I had to show her I could trampoline, too.
Don’t ever eat while on Zoom. Whoever suggested “let’s have a virtual supper”, has never seen toddlers being spoon-fed mashed spinach on Skype. Also, microphones magnify the sound of people eating. It’s not pretty.
Officially, free Zoom calls can last 40 minutes. Don’t ever let it be that long; 20 minutes is ideal. It’s OK to be the first to exit. Unfortunately, you can’t excuse yourself with “There’s someone at the door”, these days but a simple “It was lovely to see you. When shall we do it again?” is a good exit.
Relax. Like most things in life, the more you do it, the easier it gets – and make sure you switch off the mic before you say: “Thank God that’s over!”
Jan Etherington’s Radio 4 comedy Conversations From
a Long Marriage, starring Joanna Lumley and Roger Allam, begins a second series later this year
‘Don’t expect small children to sit still and entertain you’