Setting out his menu will be a tasty example of PM’S oomph and verve

In the past, before this nightmare began, I would probably have kicked off with a joke about his hair. Not any more. These days I don’t have a leg to stand on. And neither, I suspect, does anyone else. Suddenly, everyone in the country, male and female alike, has a Boris-style thatch.

Our hair, like his, is overgrown, chaotic, and sprouting in every direction. The man’s going to need a new USP.

But, for old times’ sake, let’s just say that last night he looked like an exploding Worzel Gummidge.

After his brush with death, and the birth of his new son, Boris Johnson was back to host his first No10 news conference in more than a month.

Quite sensibly, he isn’t taking his paternity leave straight away. Mostly, I’m sure, because he wants to do his duty by his country in her hour of need. But perhaps also because, as any new father will attest, returning to work after a birth feels quite frankly like a holiday. Admittedly it may be a tiny bit less relaxing if your job is to lead the country through the deadliest pandemic in a century. But even so – I’m sure the Prime Minister is glad to be back.

It has to be said: last night, Mr Johnson still sounded short of breath.

All the same, he seems determined to battle on – and, just as importantly, to be seen to battle on. In a national crisis, a leader has to set the tone.

And Mr Johnson has a rare ability to make people focus on the silver lining – however slim that lining may be, and however much, to the naked eye, the silver may look like grey.

On this occasion, thankfully, he had some good news to announce. “We are past the peak!” Mr Johnson blared.

“We are on the downward slope … We’ve come under what could have been a vast peak, as though we’ve been going through some huge Alpine tunnel, and we can now see the sunlight and pasture ahead of us!”

He made it all sound like a lovely skiing holiday.

In the days to come, the Prime Minister went on, he would be explaining his plans to ease the lockdown – or, in his phrase, “setting out a menu of options”.

That word “menu” made the prospect sound fabulously inviting – as if his plan were something that each of us would be able to order from. “Thank you, waiter. I think I’ll have the reopening of theatres, art galleries, garden centres and cafés. My husband will have the 12 months of enforced self-isolation.”

But, whatever Mr Johnson’s menu has to offer, it’s good to have him back hosting these news conferences. Not least because he has an oomph and verve that his various stand-ins have lacked.

Admittedly this is a bar so low you’d need a metal detector to locate it.

‘For old times’ sake, let’s just say that last night he looked like an exploding Worzel Gummidge’