5 SIGNS YOU’RE A CAT MAN

Not sure whether you prefer felines or Fido? Here are five signs you’re a pussycat at heart

1 You’re not a natural host

Do you spend most of your own dinner parties tidying up in the kitchen? Did you buy a doormat telling people to take off their shoes? Do you curtly usher your friend’s children straight through the house to play in the garden? It’s official; your friends are feline. While dog owners welcome guests – muddy wellies and all – with open arms, cat men are mess-averse and unafraid to tell you.

2 You don’t know your neighbours

Love thy dog, love thy neighbour. Dog men are the type who are always popping round to lend a hand, or nosing over the fence to ask where you got your hot tub. As a cat man, you cherish your privacy and decorum.

3 You’ve loved lockdown

The embodiment of British reserve, cat men err on the side of caution; your affection is something to be earned. Your cool demeanour means you secretly loved the lockdown, and you adapted easily to solitary life. Dog men, meanwhile, have missed sharing fist pumps, and vigorously patting each other’s backs in a primal manner not dissimilar.

4 Kissing pets is off limits

You shuddered with disgust when Boris Johnson scooped up his rescue dog, Dilyn, and planted a smacker on his furry face. You marvel at the men in the park who choose to shower their dog, not their wife, with slobbery caresses. You and your cat are socially distanced much of the time, and you’re both fine with that.

5 You’re fiercely independent

Like your feline friend, you opt out of organised fun. You leave the room when a game of charades is announced and nothing can make your blood turn cold quicker than the word “conga”. As a rule, you stick to solo pursuits, with cycling and jogging being your preferred activities. And you can forget playing Frisbee.