It’s enough to drive you to drink...
How many hoops will we have to jump through to actually get a pint in a pub?
Don’t get me wrong. I’ll support any plan that helps get this country up and running again. But even so, this latest idea will take some getting used to.
Each time you want to go to the pub, apparently, you’ll have to register in advance. Supply your full name, address and contact details, or you won’t be allowed in.
I do understand the reasons for it. If there’s an outbreak at a particular pub, the authorities want to be able to track down the people who were there.
All the same, it does sound a tiny bit offputting. So strict and formal. Going to the pub should feel relaxed, spontaneous. You want to be free to pop in on a whim. You don’t want to have to ring up first thing on Monday morning and arrange an appointment.
It’ll make going to the pub feel like going to the doctor.
“Hello, is that the Dog & Duck? I’d like to book two pints of Carling and a packet of roasted peanuts, please.”
“The landlord is fully booked for today, but he can see you at 2.25pm tomorrow. Alternatively, he’s got a slot free on Thursday at 10 past four.”
“I can’t make either of those, I’m afraid. Have you got anything else?”
“Sorry, not this week. We’ll add you to the waiting list. Name and contact number?”
When I’m walking my son to school, I try to teach him the Green Cross Code. Stop, look and listen, I tell him, in my sternest dad-voice. Check both ways. And always walk, don’t run. You could trip.
I wasn’t sure whether he was taking it in. Until, that is, Friday afternoon, when I picked him up from school.
“Dada, I saw you from the school gate.”
“Yes?”
“You were running.” “Yes, I left the house a bit late, so–”
“You ran across the road.”
“Well, yes, but there wasn’t anything coming, so I–”
“You shouldn’t run across the road. You could trip.”
“But I didn’t trip. Anyway, I–”
“But you shouldn’t run.” “No, that’s right. But it was only–”
“You need to stop, look and listen. Check both ways.”
“I did check both ways. Very quickly. But I was only running because–”
“Dada. You need to remember the Green Cross Code.”
Glad I’ve done such a good job of teaching him. Hopefully, he’ll do just as good a job of teaching me.