‘Love thy neighbour’ harder – they’re colleagues

Complaints over next-door noise have soared in lockdown. Can mediation work,

Iwould hate to live next door to us. The din we created as a family of four was no doubt a nuisance before, but since lockdown has kept us away from our offices, school and nursery, the shouting, crying and Frozen soundtrack-playing levels of noise in our home have shot up to 11, as the Spinal Tap joke goes. So I pity those unlucky enough to live near our terraced home. Not least those who are also trying to work from home.

On Saturday, the Government ended many of the restrictions that had constrained our lives since March 23. But among those to remain in place was the guideline that people who can work from home should still do so.

A Yougov survey last month found almost half of people had been working remotely all or most of the time during lockdown, and much has been made of the benefits: while we may miss our colleagues, few of us miss our commute, and many have enjoyed the extra time at home. The research also found that 70 per cent believed they could be as productive when working from home as in the office.

This may well be true, in the sense that we are just as distracted by others now as we were at work. The difference is that where previously we might have felt infuriated by our colleagues’ annoying habits, it is now our neighbours who get on our wick.

The dominant narrative of neighbourly relations during lockdown has been one of solidarity and newfound friendship forged over weekly applause for the NHS and a sense of in-thistogetherness. However, a less heartwarming story has also been quietly emerging: that of neighbours who have become far more aware of each others’ anti-social behaviour while holed up 24/7 on the same street.

At least 44 local authorities have reported an increase in noise complaints since lockdown began, according to a recent BBC report, while those who provide mediation to help neighbours resolve their disputes have also reported a sharp rise in demand. Dr Mike Talbot, founder of UK Mediation, says calls to his firm have roughly tripled during lockdown.

During the recent spell of fine weather, in particular, “people were staying up late because they were not working in the morning, playing music in the garden, having barbecues, and making a lot more DIY noise,” he says.

“With children being off school, they are getting tetchy and parents are getting tetchy with their kids.” With around three quarters living in flats, terraced or semi-detached houses – with thin party walls and poor soundproofing often inherent – what Talbot describes as “normal living noise” can seem unbearable. “It’s just they haven’t been around before [to notice it].” Raise the subject of how our new coworkers – our neighbours – are annoying us, and everyone has a story to tell: “When it was sunny, my neighbour conducted all his conference calls from the garden, without headphones, so I know a lot more about his confidential research projects than I really should,” complains one friend.

“Mine have recently procured a boom box and started playing audio books so loudly the walls vibrate and we can hear every word,” laments another. “The first day they got it they played Eighties tunes very loud. I can’t decide which was worse.”

A third recounts hearing constant bickering between the young couple living next to her, in which increasingly imaginative insults are hurled. My favourite is that of the friend whose neighbours threw a hot tub party at the height of lockdown. “It started at 3pm on a Sunday and finished at 10am Monday, and included a barbecue, karaoke, slip ’n’ slide, a massive fight and loads of cocaine,” he recalls.

Indeed, the neighbours might not be working at all. One in 20 Britons had lost their job by last month, and more than a quarter of the workforce had been furloughed. While most of these people will not be cavorting in hot tubs at ungodly hours, even those enjoying the fruits of furlough relatively responsibly – with midmorning vacuuming sessions, or days out, while neighbours’ doorbells ring bihourly with their Amazon deliveries – have inevitably prompted resentment.

In real nightmare neighbour situations, councils have a duty to investigate a “statutory noise nuisance” such as loud music or barking dogs, but the process can be lengthy. So what role can mediators play?

“We speak to both neighbours separately,” says Dr Talbot. “We don’t want them to give us a litany of complaints; we want them to explain how the problem is impacting them.”

Solutions might include one or both neighbours using headphones; moving speakers to a different location or placing soft matting beneath them; arranging for noisy activities such as operating washing machines to take place only at certain times; and letting neighbours know if a particularly bothersome activity is going to be undertaken.

Dr Talbot’s firm, which usually works for housing associations, is currently receiving between 60 and 70 calls a month and charges £575 per dispute. If neighbours want to privately engage the services of one of his panel of 16 mediators nationwide, he suggests (optimistically, perhaps) they split the cost between them.

If both parties agree to a day’s mediation, the mediator tos and fros between them, before getting them together (or, at least, on Zoom), with the aim of reaching an agreement.

“The point about mediation is it future-proofs the neighbourly relationship. We get people talking,” says Dr Talbot, a trained psychotherapist. “They don’t have to like each other – you don’t have to be friends with your neighbour.” But even mediators can’t restore cordial relations in about one in eight disputes. “The reason they’ve become intractable is they’ve left it too long or there isn’t motivation to resolve it, for example because there’s a grudge,” he explains.

The mental strain many of us have suffered due to the pandemic has undoubtedly led to some becoming more sensitive to their neighbours’ noisy habits. Then again, there are unexpected upsides to hearing every last cough and spit. “I’m always heartened that our neighbour shouts at her kids more than I shout at mine,” confesses one of my friends.

As for my own neighbours, I hope they don’t report us. Keeping two young children quiet until school restarts in September would take more than mediation to solve.

‘The hot tub party started at 3pm on a Sunday and finished at 10am Monday’