The new rules for now
As we’re spending more on home boozing than ever, Shane Watson looks at the lessons we should have learnt by now
Gulp, here we go again. Depending on where you live in the UK, and which Covid tier you’ve reached, we’re looking at several months of home-based entertainment, and that means a revised set of Home Drinking Rules. Why can’t we just revert to our old lockdown drinking habits? Because we know more.
New figures show that while we were locked down, our drinking soared: nearly a third of people say they have drunk more since the pandemic and we spent £261 million more on beer, wine and spirits in shops this September compared with the same period last year.
No surprise, then, “lockdown liver” is now a real thing. Plus some of us are now a stone overweight. But now, the weather is no longer freakishly sunny and rosé friendly. We have exhausted our taste for negronis, and the Fever-tree tonic with the extras, almost. We’re not looking that good, which might be lockdown face, though it could just be age. In short, we’re aware we need to take a long, hard look at drinking mission creep and work out a plan.
Feel free to cut out this handy guide and stick it to the fridge, or wine rack.
Some things we have learned Low lockdown mood
Lockdown before was sort of like a lock-in. There was novelty. There was adrenalin. We were secretly quite pleased with our military-style response: the demarcation of chores, the instant Nightingale-style erection of WFH spaces, rigid meal planning, and so forth. But this time is going to be different. This time we’re not so much going to be rising to the challenge as dragging ourselves through it. Previous experience tells us that less alcohol, not more, is almost certainly the solution to low lockdown mood. This time we’re rationing the booze. There will be drink, just less of it.
Old rule Drink gets you through, so ensure you have an unlimited supply. New rule Cut back a bit. Ideally, a lot.
Lockdown lardiness
It’s well known that although there’s a ton of calories in alcohol, if you drink quite a bit, gabble, dance, argue, sing, hop, run up and down stairs looking for a secret stash of cigarettes the youth might have hidden in the sock drawer before they left home… you won’t gain any weight.
Pre-lockdown, this was an accepted fact (if not medically endorsed), but now we know that the sedentary nature of lockdown, plus booze, equals weight gain. Not only that, it makes you put on roughly 3lb a month. Never has so much weight been gained by so many in such a short space of time. If only for this reason we are proceeding with caution, from now on.
Old rule Booze and more booze plus crisps and dips and home-made sourdough.
New rule Non-drinking days and a ban on carb-laden snacks with drinks.
Drinking and Zooming
Who’s to say at this point whether we will return to the full Zoom meeting up for drinks with mates? We suspect not. While it was a lot better than not seeing anyone, it made everyone feel like they were auditioning for a job in a very upbeat sector of the hospitality industry. Might just get back to the old-style “Miss you…” messages on Whatsapp.
Old rule Drink competitively (what’s that? A martini? I’m getting one!) with friends on Zoom.
New rule Not Zooming any more.
Hangovers
Bad idea in a lockdown kdown situation. All the negative feelings that lockdown might bring on – who am I, what’s the point, , the universe is a cruel and terrifying place lace – are all magnified by a hangover, plus it’s t’s getting harder to go for a swim, lie under a tree or hunker down in the back row of a cinema with a pint of popcorn. Old rule Fine to be a bit foggy once in a while. New rule No hangover, Unless maybe on your birthday.
When are we drinking?
You will remember ber that back in March the rule was drink nk when you feel like it, and we felt like drinking the way the passengers on the he Titanic did, once they knew about t the iceberg. Now when are we drinking? nking? Far less often is the message. Last st time around, it was like Club Tropicana every day, and our livers and wallets cannot sustain a holiday level of drinking. We’re back to pre-lockdown rules, only firmer. Old rule Wine every night at 7, or 6 if having a Zoom call with friends. Cocktails of choice on Fridays and Saturdays, to kick things off.
New rule Pre-lockdown pared back drinking, ideally the 5:2 diet with alcohol (two days on, five days off… or at least five on, two off). That’s what we’re aiming for now.
What are we drinking?
The lockdown gave us permission to forget our usual budget wine and go straight for the Christmas Day selection every day – on the basis that we deserved a treat and the (erroneous) assumption that if we went for quality, we wouldn’t slosh it back like Tizer. Some of us who had never bought wine from anywhere other than Sainsbury’s were receiving deliveries of Berry Bros & Rudd burgundy and Bauduc rosé every other week. As a result, our drink bill roughly trebled. We could have thrown a wedding for Brooklyn Beckham with the money we spent on premium lockdown booze. “Only the best!” we cried. “We deserve it!” And it was so delicious, we drank more. Old rule The finest wines known to humanity including a great deal of rosé which, eventually, we thought of as like a punchy elderflower cordial. New rule Only 25 per cent off supermarket wine deals. And no cocktails. Maybe one on a Saturday.
Wine or cocktail?
Breaking out the cocktails during Lockdown One (as we fear we must call it) became the nationally recognised signal that you were flicking the party mode switch. You might nurse a glass of wine on a Wednesday while talking to a girlfriend, eg a normal weekly phone call, but a cock cocktail in hand, or looming in the foreground of your Zoom call, equalled Flag Up, fasten your seat belts it’s going to be the equivalent of a big night out. NIO cocktails in a box (“just add ice”) were roughly as popular as Joe Wicks.
Old rule Tequila discos in the kitchen. Two negroni nights (previously, one was sufficient). Never champagne, as that seemed way too celebratory in the days when we were clapping for the NHS. But no shame in mixing up a Moscow mule on a Thursday. New rule A ban on spirits altogether. Buying them, anyway. For now. Though we couldn’t help noticing a new website – makemeacocktail.com – that offers to help you co conjure up new and tasty cocktails out of the dregs lurking in the back of the cupboard. Inspiration and recycling at once. Always best to be prepared, just in case.