‘Helpless and unsupported’: facing cancer in lockdown
WHEN lockdown began, Lori Delaney was plunged into a darker, more lonely place than most of us.
The mother of two had only recently been diagnosed with breast cancer, and had just embarked on a gruelling course of chemotherapy.
Despite the ordeal, until then, she had felt supported and safe within the system, receiving phone calls every other day from nurses, and plenty of support from family and friends.
But overnight that support was taken away.
“There was this big thing happening in my life, and I was everyone’s priority, and then the pandemic hit. The pandemic was the priority. All of a sudden, there were no phone calls. It felt like everything stopped. It was very difficult for my mum because she wanted to be here, and couldn’t. I felt so lonely. There was nobody able to help me.”
Mrs Delaney, 34, from Glasgow, had to continue her chemotherapy alone, travelling to the local hospital when most people were desperate to keep away, leaving her “absolutely terrified”.
Meanwhile, her husband had to begin working from home, and, when nurseries and schools closed, she was left to look after her children, then aged four and five.
This, despite the fact that chemotherapy had made her so ill she had previously been admitted to hospital, and her mother had taken the children to give her some space to recover.
“That third treatment was horrific,” she said. “I didn’t want my children to hear me screaming in pain or hallucinating. It’s not a choice I would make as a mother, but those choices were taken away. I felt helpless and unsupported. Knowing you can’t have any more children – there was no space to heal or grieve or have any recovery. There were all these Whatsapp chats from parents about home schooling, and I really felt the pressure. I set up a home school in my conservatory, because that’s what people were doing. Looking back, I just don’t know how I did that. I felt guilty as well because every day I needed a break. There was a lot to deal with.”
Mrs Delaney’s oncologist suggested that she end her treatment early to avoid the risk of catching Covid-19. “I knew everyone in the NHS was doing
‘Stopping chemotherapy would give me a better quality of life through the pandemic, but at what cost?’
their best to deal with the pandemic, but it’s not a choice I wanted to be making,” she said. “All I care about is being alive. Stopping chemotherapy would give me a better quality of life through the pandemic – but at what cost?”
When she finally finished radiotherapy, she had to ask a nurse if she could ring the bell to mark the end of her treatment. But rather than the triumphant moment she had envisaged, she was left feeling “silly” as the nurse had to get it out of a cupboard and disinfect it, and there was only the odd stranger to see her ring it.
The results of her last scan were clear, but she will continue to be on treatment for the next 10 years.
Mrs Delaney is s upporting Cancer Research UK. To find out more about its work, visit cruk.org