Now we have to mind what we say in the privacy of our homes?
Acouple of weeks ago, back when it was legal to have a friend round for a cup of tea, a friend came round for a cup of tea. She is a charity activist, devoted daughter to elderly parents, and about the most righteous person I know. We talked about the parlous state of things, sighed heavily and traded gallows humour. “The truth is,” she said, in a mischievous whisper, “we just need the old folks to hurry up and die.”
Shocking, eh? But don’t pretend you haven’t done it. Saying the bad thing, cracking the sick joke, burping up the black thought: this is one of the most effective (and universal) methods by which humans seek relief from fear and stress. Sometimes – as in my friend’s case – it might be a thought that offends your own sensibilities; yet still it tickles at the back of the throat like a fur ball, demanding release.
You would never say such things in public, of course. But among friends, and in the privacy of our own homes, we are at liberty to cough up our wickedest thoughts, laugh at them and breathe more easily. At least, for now.
It emerged this week that the Law Commission has proposed extending laws against hate speech to cover things said in private homes. (Coincidentally, its 530-page report also suggests adding ageism to the list of hate crimes. Double trouble for my charitable pal.)
It should be stressed that this report is only at the consultation stage. “Stakeholders” – which presumably means all of us, since we all must live under the law – are invited to submit our thoughts before the final recommendations go before Parliament.
It is also worth noting that the existing hate speech legislation, which exempts anything said within a private dwelling, creates problems of its own. It means, for example, that a convention of howling jihadists or neo-nazis would be exempt as long as they all squeezed into someone’s sitting room, whereas a nervous colleague who cracks an off-colour joke in the office might find himself in chokey.
The Law Commission says it merely wants to tidy up these anomalies, by shifting the emphasis from the location to the nature of the conversation. Speech that is deemed to be private will be exempt, wherever it takes place. “We are not intending for private conversations at the dinner table to be prosecuted as hate speech,” insists the commission.
Good to hear. But even when the intentions are pure, new laws always have unintended consequences. How would prosecutors decide what constitutes sufficient privacy? A dinner party? A teenage house party? Tea in the garden? What if the neighbours overheard something they didn’t like? Would that make it a public crime?
Even if these details could be tidied up, something more important would be broken. The idea of home as a sanctuary – a place where we can escape societal scrutiny, and loosen the corset of our public selves – is essential to our happiness. Kick the door shut behind you, toss your keys on to the shelf, flump on to the sofa and for a few short hours you can let all your forbidden bits hang out.
The mere suggestion that it might become unsafe to speak honestly – or indeed dishonestly, or with deliberate rudeness – within our own four walls brings on a terrible claustrophobia. Right now, especially, when so much public obedience is being asked of us. Private subversion may be all that keeps us sane.