How to keep a lid on the wild excitement? Invoke a penalty shoot-out

There are few scenarios likely to drive greater gloom into the hearts of Britons than a cup final penalty shoot-out, or the prospect of shivering on a wet and windy platform while waiting for a train.

So determined was Professor Jonathan Van-tam to quell the mounting vaccine excitement, that at last night’s press conference he dug deep into the British psyche, and flung not one, but two buckets of cold water on to the Pfizer announcement.

Not only was the train (vaccine) two miles down the track, would it ever get here in such stormy weather? he asked. Even if it did, would it slow down in time, would the guard open the doors, and would we survive the “unholy scramble for seats?”

Just because you’ve scored the first goal in cup final penalties, he continued remorselessly, “you haven’t won the cup yet” – although he did graciously concede it showed the goalkeeper could be beaten.

As if the first two metaphors weren’t sufficient, the Prime Minister also warned against relying too much on the “scientific cavalry” whose distant bugle call was still a long way off, even if a plaintive “toot” could already be heard.

I suspect the overly-despondent response was not a lack of faith in the results, but more the fear that Britons would throw open their doors, rip off their masks and run hurtling into the arms of their neighbours, in nationwide VC celebrations.

And really, who could blame them?

On the face of it, yesterday’s announcement seems like astonishingly good news.

Not only does it show that one vaccine is working, but it gives hope that the dozens of others which are targeting the same protein will also be successful.

Although scientists were slightly sniffy that the headline results had come out in a press release, rather than published in a journal, they were surprisingly upbeat about the results.

Quotes from eminent researchers with phrases such as “remarkable achievement”, “light at the end of the tunnel” and “exceptionally good news” landed regularly into my in-box throughout the afternoon.

Could the epidemic be over by Spring? Green shoots certainly now seem possible.

However there are reasons to still be cautious. As Prof Stephen Evans, of the London School of Hygiene & Tropical Medicine, pointed out, the decision to release results while also continuing trial recruitment is unprecedented and could undermine the future of the trial.

It may be ethically tricky to carry on giving a placebo to participants while knowing that a vaccine is successful.

There are also huge logistical challenges, because the vaccine has to be kept and transported in ultra-cold storage at below -78C (-109F).

Most health centres in Britain simply do not have the facilities to do that. So even if it is successful, there are serious concerns about whether it can realistically be distributed.

And there are fears that even if a vaccine is available, many people will refuse the injection because they feel it has been rushed out in just a few months. The Royal Society is so concerned about uptake it is calling for anti-vaxxers to be prosecuted if they spread misinformation about the dangers.

So for now, caution is advisable. And after months of missed targets and false promises, the government may have finally realised its best stance is to underpromise and overdeliver.

That way they can’t be blamed if we miss the train or the goal.