QUIZ WOULD YOU PASS THE BALMORAL TEST?

Upon arrival at the castle, staff are unpacking your case. What are they going to find? a) You’ve snuck in a load of paperwork that you’re planning to read by the fire and you haven’t brought any outdoor shoes. b) Evening wear by sensitively chosen Scottish designers, photographs of your dogs, Hunter wellington boots.

c) Ancient Barbour, Le Chameau wellies, taffeta evening dress that smells a bit moth ball-y but stunned at the 1986 Hunt Ball.

d) A trouser suit and a copy of A Vindication of the Rights of Woman.

It’s time for drinks. What are you having?

a) A nice sherry, please.

b) Californian pinot noir.

c) Gin and dubonnet d) I won’t, actually. Gosh, what a lot the rest of you are getting through.

What time are you getting up the next morning? a) 5am – to sneak in some work before anyone else wakes. b) I’ll be leading a sun salutation outside. Or at least trying to. This is Scotland. c) I’ll have made discreet enquiries about what time breakfast is served and be down at nine. d) With enough time for a Balmoral quickie before breakfast.

How are you spending your last day at Balmoral?

a) Setting off home early claiming a work emergency. b) Spending time in nature (and Instagramming it). c) Stalking and then a barbecue. d) Explaining why I don’t approve of field sports.

It’s been a week since you left Balmoral. How have you said thank you? a) A card, with ‘Thank you’ on the front.

b) A gushing Instagram post, tagging your host.

c) A letter, making sure never to open with the words ‘thank you’.

d) A much struggled-over note. Mostly As

You might be considered middle class by the rest of the world, but here your suburbia is showing. You’re relieved to leave, and they’re relieved to see you go. Mostly Bs

You’re a breath of fresh air, bringing a new perspective to old traditions. At least you are until the field sports are replaced with nature hikes and conversations about privilege. Mostly Cs

Of course you’ve passed the BMT with flying colours. You mop the floor with everyone during charades and find a Corgi willing to sit on your lap. Mostly Ds

You’ve had a lovely time nobly enduring each other, despite the culture clash.