‘Wagatha Christie’ and the missed opportunity
Am I the only one feeling unreasonably disgruntled that neither Coleen Rooney nor Rebekah Vardy turned up at the High Court yesterday for a hearing for their deliciously bonkers “Wagatha Christie” libel trial?
I’m all for justice being done, but to be honest it’s the “being seen to be done” bit that keeps things interesting up in the gallery.
I, for one, was anxious to discover what they would be wearing to elicit sympathy from the judge. Why, I went so far as to put a tenner on £399 square Dior sunglasses and £850 Gucci ankle boots for Rebekah.
And for Coleen? A £690 Miss Marple cloche hat by Fendi, accessorised with a NASA quasar magnifying glass, of course.
You see, Coleen, 34, wife of Wayne, is inarguably the “brains” behind this Roodunnit.
It was she who set a trap for Rebekah, 38, missus of Jamie, to out her as the alleged mole who was leaking personal stories and private posts to The Sun.
Coleen, who has four sons with her Derby County husband, blocked everyone in her social circle from viewing her Instagram stories, apart from just one account.
Over the following five months she drip-fed her feed with false stories both mundane – her alleged return to TV – and bizarre – a trip to a gender selection clinic in Mexico.
These all duly appeared in the pages of the tabloid, then Coleen revealed that she had saved and screenshotted the original stories, showing only one account had viewed them. And I put it to you m’lud, that person was – dun, dun du-uu-un! We shall soon see.
Sorry to digress, but can I just flag up that Rebekah has five children – two from a previous union and three with her Leicester City spouse. He has another one from earlier, too.
With all those children between them, she and Coleen could star in their very own Marvel movie. It could be called Muthas of the Multiverse and feature them saving distant galaxies while laundering the kids’ football kit and shopping for lip fillers.
Instead they will (not) see one another in court. Coleen is apparently “entirely confident” she will be vindicated but finds it a source of “regret” the matter hasn’t been settled already.
For her part, Rebekah is seeking substantial damages having suffered “severe and extreme hostility and abuse” during her pregnancy after the claims were published on Instagram.
Is it really too late to recognise there is more that unites than divides them?
Personally I’d like them both to turn up, look each other straight in the eye and murmur “sorry, babe” before taking to the skies in search of cosmic wrongs to right and a really boss eyelash technician.