Way of the World
Boris Johnson has promised to turn Britain into a high-wage economy. It’s a glorious vision of the future. And it can’t come too soon for one low-paid group in particular. Members of Parliament.
In an interview with the New Statesman this week, Sir Peter Bottomley – the veteran Conservative MP for Worthing West – complained that the salary for backbenchers is far too low. Somehow they are expected to survive on as little as £82,000 a year. And although Sir Peter himself is not in any financial difficulty, he says that getting by on so meagre an income is “desperately difficult” for some backbench colleagues. “I don’t know how they manage,” he said. “It’s really grim.”
Voters will naturally have sympathised. Thank goodness, then, for the Prime Minister, and his plan to boost wages. After years of being ignored by the out-of-touch elite, the plight of ordinary, hard-working Red Wall MPS is being heeded at last.
Of course, this isn’t to say that we should give them a pay rise. Certainly not. As the Prime Minister has made clear, it would be quite wrong to subsidise low wages by making the taxpayer foot the bill.
The answer, instead, is to help our MPS move into better-paid jobs. Encourage them to become lorry drivers, for example, or broccoli pickers.
Admittedly, many MPS may at present be insufficiently qualified to perform such roles – but this only reinforces the Prime Minister’s message about the importance of training and skills. With the right attitude and a willingness to learn, there is no reason why a Conservative backbench MP should not in time be able to establish a successful career picking fruit and vegetables.
For years, many MPS have languished in a dead-end job they despise, with no prospect of promotion. Let us help them to acquire the skills and the confidence they need to stand on their own two feet, and thrive.
After all, we can hardly expect them to survive on Universal Credit. Especially not now they’ve cut it. H
ollywood’s history of ageism is even worse than I thought. As I wrote in Thursday’s Telegraph, the real scandal is not that the age gap between male leads and their girlfriends is too big, but that the age gap between male leads and their mothers is too small. To illustrate, I cited Alexander,
a 2004 blockbuster in which Angelina Jolie was cast to play the mother of Colin Farrell – even though Jolie is only 11 months older than Farrell is.
It seems, however, that I overlooked an even more egregious example. A reader, Alan Stockwell, points out that in the 1948 film version of Hamlet, the Dane was played by Laurence Olivier, while his mother, Gertrude, was played by Eileen Herlie. At the time, Olivier was 40 – but Herlie was only 29. Eleven whole years younger.
How extraordinary. All I can say is, no wonder Hamlet is so neurotic. What a confusing childhood he must have had. It’s bound to screw you up, having to dandle your own mother on your knee. Sing lullabies to her. Walk her to primary school. And for the first 11 years of his life, of course, he had no mother at all. “Boo-hoo-hoo. I want my mummy.” “Sorry, son. She still hasn’t been born yet.”
Mind you, there’s an even bigger gap between Hamlet and Gertude in the production currently being staged at the Theatre Royal Windsor. It isn’t ageist – quite the contrary, in fact, because the production is explicitly billed as “age-blind”. Still, the concept can take some getting used to. Hamlet is played by the great Sir Ian Mckellen, 82, and Gertrude by Jenny Seagrove,
64. Meaning that when Hamlet’s mother was born, Hamlet himself was
18.
“Morning, Hamlet. You look dreadful. What’s up?”
“Didn’t get a wink of sleep all night, Horatio. My mum’s teething.”
I n a survey of religious faith, conducted three years ago, only 2 per cent of British adults aged 18-24 said they belonged to the Church of England. An alarmingly low figure. Ever since, there has been great pressure to find new ways of appealing to the young.
Which is why a church in Bournemouth has changed its name. It’s no longer called St Michael’s. It’s called St Mike’s.
Explaining the decision, Rev Sarah Yetman said she wants the church to be “attractive and engaging for younger generations … We’re bringing new life into the old building and planting a new congregation into the church.” To help, they’ve also opened a coffee bar.
Of course, traditionalists will no doubt snort and roll their eyes, and perform unkind impressions of “trendy vicars”. (“I know that all you kids today love the music of Jay-z. But let me tell you about a young man named Jay-c!”)
Personally, though, I wish St Mike’s the very best with its campaign. The church may be 148 years old – it was built all the way back during the reign of Queen Vicky – but times change, and we must change with them. Even if it means reading from the King Jimbo Bible, or telling the story of Dave versus Goliath, or singing that good King Wenceslas looked out on the feast of Steve.
At the very least, the young must be taught that Christmas is first and foremost a religious event. As they can find out by reading the Gospel According to St Matt.