Dogs days may now be over for worried owners like me

Who would be a dog owner these days? Apart from one in three of the population, that is. Lockdown has elevated family pets to pole position in our homes as they are, without exception, a lot more fun and appreciative than the humans in the house.

But these days, ownership is fraught with jeopardy, beginning with this: was your puppy reared on the absolutely wrong sort of farm? Has it been illegally imported? Then we move on to: is your cute new puppy really a fox? Are you sure? Because it’s climbed over the wall and eaten the neighbours’ guinea pigs, which they had earmarked for their own supper… This in fact happened this week in Peru, and the said bushy-tailed pet turned out to be an Andean fox and has since been rehomed at the zoo.

But here in the UK, we now have the first authenticated report of a pet dog catching Covid, which adds a twist of jeopardy to those cuddles on the sofa, especially since there’s no clear delineation between victim and vector.

Add to that the judge who has pitted “entitled” dog owners (surely not…) against “entitled” cyclists (throw away the key!), and all is far from well.

At the centre of the spat is Felix, a spaniel who dashed out in front of a cyclist who was riding his bike. The cyclist received £50,000 in damages. His owner has now been given leave to appeal on the grounds that – and I paraphrase – both parties are being a bit too uppity and self-important for their own good.

I hope Felix wins. There but for the grace of dog go we all. In common spaces, four paws are usually far less of a menace than two wheels; if my two dogs accidentally bring a furiously pedalling middle-aged man in Lycra to a screeching halt, I usually trill: “Ooh, at least now you know your brakes work!” As these men are usually weirdly angry to begin with, I’ve no idea if I’ve made it worse. Until that is, I follow it up with, “No thanks needed!” and “You should try getting a dog – they lower blood pressure!”

Then I leg it.