Was this the royals’ weirdest ever walkabout?
If members of the Royal family believe the world smells of fresh paint, perhaps they also think ordinary mortals exist in a state of mild hysteria. A special episode of Eastenders staged a royal visit to Walford, and it was impossible to tell who was more flustered, the characters or the actors themselves.
The Prince of Wales and Duchess of Cornwall gamely appeared in the show, playing themselves. They acquitted themselves admirably, despite the bizarreness of the premise: they were introduced to a series of fictional characters and asked to engage with them accordingly.
The cast were playing starstruck residents but they were also starstruck in real life, while also appearing paralysed with nerves at having to improvise dialogue with the heir to the throne (this was one-take television, and the actors had no idea what the royals would say to them). It was a toe-curling watch, and the only actors behaving normally were Rudolph Walker as Patrick Trueman, because he is an old pro, and Danny Dyer as Queen Vic landlord Mick Carter, because he is a man who cannot be fazed by anything (and, lest we forget or have never seen that particular edition of Who Do You Think You Are?, he is a descendant of both Edward III and Thomas Cromwell).
The actor playing Martin Fowler burbled that everything on his fruit and veg stall was organic. The actress playing Stacey Slater blurted out: “I’ve got a food van, sorry if I smell of onions!” Perhaps this is how people really do speak in the presence of royalty, and that explains why the Prince and Duchess took it all in their stride. If nothing else, the episode revealed how skilled they are at small talk because they had a polite and smiling response to absolutely everything, no matter how random.
There were some extraneous bits of plot that involved Sharon locking Janine out of the pub, and Sonia being mad at Brian Conley, but in the spirit of total honesty I must confess that I haven’t properly watched Eastenders since Arthur stole the Christmas club money, so hadn’t the foggiest what any of this was about. All I can confidently tell you is that Charles and Camilla are masters of this stuff, and that Gillian Taylforth doesn’t appear to have aged a day since 1987. Anita Singh
When Keeley Hawes delivered a career-transforming performance in Line of Duty, she was dubbed “Steely Keeley”. She’s since been “Steamy Keeley” in Bodyguard, “Weepy Keeley” in The Missing, “Dreamy Keeley” in
The Durrells and “Touchy-feely Keeley” in Finding Alice.
Well, The Midwich Cuckoos
(Sky Max) heralded the arrival of “Deeply Creepy Keeley”. This shiny new adaptation of John Wyndham’s 1957 sci-fi novel wasn’t to be recommended for anyone of a nervous disposition. Certainly not if they’re also currently pregnant.
The chocolate-box commuter village of Midwich was plunged into panic when the power was cut off and people started passing out. Upon waking, every woman of child-bearing age was inexplicably pregnant. It fell to local child psychologist Dr Susannah Zellaby (Hawes) and police chief DCI Paul Haynes (Max Beesley) to figure out what was going on.
Seven months later (not nine, note), the babies were born at exactly the same time. They had intense stares, telepathic gifts and grew at an alarming rate. David Farr, who adapted
The Night Manager by John le Carré, updated Wyndham’s Cold War classic into a present-day parable about parenthood and mental health, community divisions and the enemy within. The feeling of something awry was enhanced by unearthly visual flourishes: a silent disco, flickering lights, stray horses galloping down the high street. Hawes was the standout performer, although Samuel West later lent class as a government spook who arrived to conduct secret experiments.
This was folk horror meets domestic noir, with the enviably pristine interiors of those “kitchen island dramas” which are all the rage nowadays. As the townsfolk fell under the children’s spell, it all went a bit
Stepford Wives.
These devilish little darlings were suitably unsettling, even if their glowing eyes and grown-up haircuts did much of the heavy lifting actingwise. All seven episodes are available to watch now. No spoilers but suffice to say, after a mid-series slump, the show blossoms into a captivating conspiracy thriller with an enjoyably explosive finale. Arise, Creepy Keeley, queen of cuckooland. Michael Hogan
Eastenders ★★★
The Midwich Cuckoos ★★★★