Sir Keir gives the Horizon scandal a swerve and goes gangbusters

Keir Starmer swerved the Post Office scandal in his opening questions. Was it to appear statesmanlike and magnanimous? Or was it simply because the CPS prosecuted a number of subpostmasters during Starmer’s rarely-discussed stint as director of public prosecutions and head of the CPS? Either way, Starmer honed in on Rwanda. “I think we should smash the gangs,” came the nasally tenor.

His demeanour was that of a passive-aggressive child psychologist. “We can all see what’s happening here,” he said, soothing and patronising in equal measure. Rishi Sunak played along with his best petulant teenager impression. Labour were having a go about immigration and it just wasn’t fair. The PM insisted, through gleaming teeth, that he was “getting through the backlog” – one way of saying “waving everyone through”.

Starmer took aim at Sunak’s ever-shifting election strategy; a fair point, albeit requiring a brass neck. We’re through the looking glass now folks. Sir Keir – he of “Jeremy Corbyn would be a good prime minister” fame – accusing someone of flip-flopping.

So far, so pass-agg. Fortunately Lee Anderson, the Tory party’s id, was at hand (with the departure of Matt Hancock, identifying its superego is now a little more difficult). Mr Anderson’s style is more aggressive-aggressive and so he went straight for the jugular of the Liberal Democrats. Should Ed Davey follow his own advice on resignations, “clear his desk, clear his diary and clear off ”, asked Mr Anderson. But Sir Ed was nowhere to be seen.

Eventually Sir Keir turned to taunting. “New year, new nonsense,” he said, in a line he’d clearly rehearsed. You can picture it now, Lady Starmer, knocking on the bathroom door, telling the Leader of the Opposition that Christmas dinner’s getting cold as he stands there, in front of the full length mirror of an Islington bathroom repeating “New year, new nonsense”. The crowds applaud. Or they do in Sir Keir’s head. Labour backbenchers – whose reactions to even the lamest of their leader’s jokes resemble those of an audience at a North Korean stand-up comedy gig – could only muster a weak chuckle at this.

SNP spokesman Stephen Flynn, a man who can’t even stub his toe without blaming the Westminster elite, launched into a trademark broadside against the UK ruling class. He took aim at some of the guilty men of politics implicated in the Post Office scandal; Tony Blair – “now a knight garter”, Ed Davey – “himself a knight bachelor”, David Cameron – “a former Conservative prime minister who now hides in the House of Lords as a baron”. As is so often the case with those who claim to be anti-titles Flynn exhibited a meticulous knowledge of them. The overall effect was less “arch-republican” and more “medieval armour enthusiast”.

The most important news of the day came with the announcement of new legislation to overturn Post Office convictions and grant compensation. A belated sliver of justice for the sub-postmasters; and all it took was decades, multiple exposés, countless lives ruined, and a hit TV drama, to get there.

‘Labour’s reactions to their leader’s jokes resemble those of a North Korean comedy gig audience’