PM easily sidesteps the Charge of the Lightweight Brigade

PMQS this week takes place in the context that Sir [sic] Simon Clarke has, by his own reckoning, fired a gun on a leadership race. Unfortunately, the gun was pointing roundly at his own face. Sir Simon’s attempt to do a Lidl Geoffrey Howe fell on deaf and, frankly, annoyed ears. To Tory MPS, it sounded like a man on the Titanic suggesting what was actually needed was more icebergs. Even Liz Truss – not renowned for a close relationship with reality – disowned the attempt to sabotage her successor. The Charge of the Lightweight Brigade had failed. So, on the face of it, Mr Sunak had much to be buoyant about. On the other hand, a cursory look at the polls suggests Mr Sunak has as much reason to be cheery as someone who’d booked their first August holiday in years to Hiroshima in 1945. Still, as the Prime Minister entered the Commons, the Conservative backbenchers erupted – more Krakatoa than Hiroshima. The decibel levels of their opening cheers are always directly proportional to the level of internal chaos engulfing the Government at that time.

Very clearly the last person the PM wanted to hear from was the Leader of the Opposition. Sir Keir’s smug-ometer was in overdrive as he listed the series of Laurel and Hardy style mishaps that Mr Sunak had suffered this week; from finding himself in the lose-lose situation of trying to talk honestly to a member of the public about NHS spending to accidentally recording a personal video for Nigel Farage. Sir Keir’s litany varied from the economy to schools, all delivered through the sinuses as usual and – also as usual – with a blithe avoidance of actually stating his own policy. When Sunak yet again mentioned Starmer’s previous support for Jeremy Corbyn, Sir Keir boasted of presiding over “a changed Labour Party”. When the PM accused him of wanting higher taxes, Starmer positively squirmed with joy. “There’s only one party that’s crashed the British economy and they’re sitting right there!” This was accompanied with a wave of his wrist along the Tory front bench, in the manner of Mr Humphries from Are You Being Served? casting some dreadful spell.

When the PM countered by claiming that the economy wasn’t doing so badly after all, Sir Keir accused Sunak of performing a “one-man Pollyanna show”. This seemed to flummox some members of the press gallery. “Who’s Pollyanna?” whispered one. “Dunno”, another replied. Never let it be said that lobby journalists lack a hinterland.

Perhaps the cringiest part of Sir Keir’s parade of self-indulgence was his unparliamentary use of the word “s---show”, shamefully waved through by Sir Lindsay Hoyle. The Commons has been rather foul-mouthed of late. Indeed, one of the clerks turned around and tried to catch the Speaker’s eye, hoping to prompt an intervention, without success. Starmer probably thought this made him relatable or cool but it was like hearing a great aunt or a secondary school English teacher swear. Way out, dadio!

There was a final moment where the PM rallied – a Custer’s last stand in an otherwise limp performance. Labour MP Tahir Ali launched into a rant, both insane and inane, about UK support for Israel, with a soupçon of blood libel thrown in. The PM simply replied: “That’s the face of the ‘changed’ Labour Party.” He’s right, but whether anyone will care is another matter.

‘There was a moment when the PM rallied – a Custer’s last stand in an otherwise limp performance’