Be honest with children about diagnosis, Oxford experts say

PARENTS with cancer must be honest with their children about the disease, Oxford University experts have said, after the Princess of Wales’s diagnosis.

Leading psychiatrists said parents often underestimate their children’s ability to discern that something is wrong when approaching conversations about serious illness.

The Princess said in her video statement that finding out she had cancer was a huge shock and it had taken her and William “time to explain everything to George, Charlotte and Louis in a way that is appropriate for them, and to reassure them that I am going to be OK”.

The children, who are 10, eight, and five respectively, will each have a different level of understanding of cancer and what it means. But experts say that “effective communication” is key to limiting the anxiety of uncertainty among children of all ages and advise having conversations “as soon as possible” after a diagnosis.

Professor Louise Dalton, from the University of Oxford’s department of psychiatry, said it was understandable that parents “want to protect children from difficult or emotionally painful situations and often underestimate how much even very young children notice and understand about what is happening within the family”.

She said research has proven that children want to know when “an adult they love is ill” and talking about it “is associated with better psychological functioning” for the child and leads to “better family functioning and mental health outcomes for everyone”.

Professor Elizabeth Rapa, who with Prof Dalton is leading work into the importance of communicating serious illness to children, said it was also important to “share and explore some of the emotional impact of the news”.

“It’s important to include children in conversations about illness in the family as soon as possible so that they have time to understand and make sense of the situation and they are not left to worry alone,” she said.

Being transparent with a child about a parent’s cancer diagnosis is also advocated by leading cancer charities. Advice from Cancer Research UK says: Remember that uncertainty or not knowing may be harder for them to cope with than the truth.”