The Apprentice for farming? What udder hogwash
What if Alan Sugar was a sheep? That was the premise, more or less, of Our Dream Farm with Matt Baker (Channel 4), in which fans of all creatures great, small and woolly competed for a sought-after 10-year farm tenancy in Northumberland. To win, they would have to impress two
Apprentice-style experts – but more importantly, woo a field of heavily pregnant sheep.
A racier programme would have pitched the contest as a tooth-and-claw struggle for agricultural ascendency. Alas, Our Dream Farm was drearily earnest throughout. As host, Baker was jolly but low-key. This was the same energy he had brought to his own reality series, Our Farm in the Dales, which chronicled his adventures in farming in his childhood home in County Durham. He had an endless variety of chummy expressions, but that was the limit of his contribution.
In this new series, he takes a back seat as seven sets of candidates are put through their paces across three weeks at the sprawling Wallington Estate, owned by the National Trust since 1942. There was a conspicuous lack of the traditional reality TV self-aggrandising by the contestants – which restored your faith in humanity but also made for dull watching as there was nobody to laugh at. These were, instead, real people who had, in several cases, staked their futures on gaining the approval of judges Sally Richards, general manager at Wallington, and Giles Hunt, Land and Estates Director at the National Trust.
“To farm full time, we’ve – some would say foolishly – sold our house. We’ve bought a caravan to temporarily live in,” revealed Emily and Angus. Just as eager were Brazilian-born farm consultant Mari and her partner Jamie, who knew a few things about the challenges ahead as he had a day job helping people apply for tenancies. “Always a bridesmaid, never the bride,” he observed ruefully.
The participants faced the usual challenges and tasks – none particularly scintillating. They had to prepare a shed for lambs about to give birth. Later, a soil and nutrient expert sent them around the property digging up samples to determine the potential for sustainable agriculture.
There were nods towards ecofarming and likely tensions between environmentalism and commercial agriculture. “Nature conservation and food production, they can exist in harmony,” argued Hunt. But was it possible to rewild a farm and produce exciting TV?
Judging by the first episode of Our Dream Farm, the answer was in the negative. This tale of aspiring farmers had the best intentions, but when 50 minutes of television are built around the joys of clearing a shed for some sheep, you know you’re in for a baaad time, and so it proved.
Hotels are, by design, generic and drama-free, but that hasn’t stopped commissioning editors from trying to turn them into fly-onthe-wall TV stars. The latest to check in and give the “hotels are exciting, actually” genre a shot was Inside the
Hilton: Park Lane (Channel 5). From an entertainment perspective, the 28-storey edifice overlooking Hyde Park had a few things in its favour. By British standards, it is eye-poppingly tall for a hotel, with stunning views over London. It is also popular with international dignitaries – such as the presidents of Niger, Sri Lanka and Nigeria, who all visited on the same day in the competently assembled if unspectacular first episode of this four-part documentary.
Coincidence? No, they were all in town for the Coronation of King Charles. After the woes of lockdown, the Coronation was a big opportunity for the hotel, explained Peter Avis, general manager of the Hilton’s top floor restaurant, Galvin at Windows.
The producers did their best to whip up some drama. Restaurant manager Paul fell ill on the morning of the Coronation, leaving his deputy to negotiate potentially the busiest day of the year. Pitfalls included two punters unhappy at being seated away from the windows and an annoying toddler who turned up his nose at a plate of artisanal cheese.
Cher, the Dali Lama and Princess Diana had all stayed at the hotel, but celebrities were conspicuously absent as the series kicked off. That was a shame, as this cheerful yet underwhelming instalment badly needed some stardust. A teaser for the rest of the season indicated that a sprinkling of A-listers might eventually descend on the Hilton. It may be too little too late. After a thrill-free opener, viewers will already be tempted to leave the key in reception and head for the exit.
Our Dream Farm with Matt Baker ★★ Inside the Hilton: Park Lane ★★