Best mate at the club? Barry Fuller. It all started when we were on the verge of having a fight. He started shouting at me after conceding a goal against Accrington and didn’t back down. I respected him for that, even though he knew I would break him! We’ve been mates ever since. Last to buy dinner? Mark Phillips. He’s part of my car school with Ade Azeez and he’s never offered to buy me anything when we stop off for petrol. At least Ade has bought me a Lucozade. The Fifa king? I’m the king, but there are a lot of whippets vying for my title. Props has to go out to Craig Tanner, Ade Azeez and Joe McDonnell – I’m thinking of setting up a mini-league for them to see who gets to play me. I have three control pads all with different colours; the blue one is the one I use when I’m a bit worried and I’ve never used it. Worst dressed? Jake Goodman. He’s one of those guys you don’t even have to speak to about how badly he’s dressed. You both know how bad it is and you both acknowledge it but never say anything. The dressing room DJ? Mark Phillips is known as DJ Phillo but he’s the worst DJ I’ve ever heard. You would expect him to at least have his own CDs for the car. Instead we just listen to the radio. Our real DJ is the physio, Stuart Douglas. The most skilful? Craig Tanner calls himself ‘the supplier’ but he hasn’t supplied me with anything all season. He’s the best dribbler at the club though, so I’ll give it to him. Late for training? Me. I’m not even going to offer any excuses – although I do have five kids! They have to tell me to arrive at places an hour early because I’m that bad. Teacher’s pet? James Shea. He’s the nicest guy you would ever meet and he gets along with everyone. Best cook? I make a mean chicken dish, but of the newage cooks I’d go with George Francomb. He rustles up a lot of fish. First on the dancefloor? Deji Oshilaja thinks he can bust a serious move. He calls it ‘the wave’. I’m not too sure about it but it’s different. Most likely to disgrace themselves at the Christmas party? Jake Reeves. He showed me some videos of his past indiscretions and if he did that at our Christmas party he would be getting some serious beatings. I’m sure he has potential to be problematic. The worst tattoo? George Francomb. He has his surname across his forearm. What’s that for? Just in case he forgets it? Never puts their phone down? Me, I can’t stay away from social media. Even if I have a number two, I’d probably share it with my followers! The boss has had to ban phones in the changing room otherwise we wouldn’t talk to each other. Going to make the best manager? I’d be the best but I don’t want to do it! I’d make the lads call me the Special One. Barry Fuller has the attributes. He trains just how he plays.
AFC Wimbledon Adebayo Akinfenwa -