Baby on Board
How Mikael Toczek carried on leading a full outdoor life during her pregnancy
“The outdoors is my therapy, and being able to enjoy it up until I gave birth was a blessing for me.”
I SAT DOWN in the middle of the campsite, slumping against a particularly indifferent pine tree, on the edge of Lac du Matemale, flanked by the beautifully imposing mountains of the Pyrenees, and burst into tears. Not even the offers of croissants and brioche could console me in the face of such disaster.
I had travelled to Les Angles in the eastern Pyrenees to attempt my International Mountain Leader (IML) Summer Assessment, which in itself is an emotional roller coaster and one of the biggest professional development challenges I had faced so far in my career as a freelance outdoor instructor. Not only that, but I was 12 weeks pregnant, constantly sick to my stomach and increasingly feeling like I was losing the plot. I was on tenterhooks and well aware that if I did not pass this time around, it was likely to be a long time before I would be able to give it another try.
The tears were brought on because I had just accidentally deleted all the wildflower photos I had collected that day and lovingly and diligently identified. Or perhaps it was my raging hormones; it is tough to say. Either way I was watching myself and reflecting, in between sobs, that this should not be the behaviour of a fully fledged adult, professional and soon-to-be mother. And so began my journey as a pregnant freelancer, navigating the peaks and troughs of pregnancy alongside my work leading hikes, climbs, gorge walks and caving trips.
WAS IT OK?
Preparing for and pursuing my IML assessment while pregnant came with considerable anxiety. Was it OK for me to put myself and my unborn baby through a stressful and physically demanding fourday assessment in tough conditions? I had already had to withdraw from my summer expedition to Belize, as I discovered three days before departure that I was pregnant and could not travel due to Zika virus.
I did a lot of reading and research in these early days, looking for other outdoor professionals and their experiences of pregnancy, but found very little.
Without the benefit of shared experience, I decided that the best option was to travel to the Pyrenees and attempt the assessment, but with the condition that if I was physically struggling or it did not feel right, I would withdraw. I ran all this past my midwife, who seemed a little bewildered by my adventure-related questions, declaring tentatively that she had never been asked about altitude and pregnancy before, but fully supported my decision.
The weeks that followed were a huge challenge. It is impossible to know how pregnancy will affect you, even if you have read all the books and listened to all the advice. I went off my food in the first trimester, and during my assessment I resorted to eating jam straight from the
“As my pregnancy progressed and symptoms eased, I had a new lease of life and bounced through
the season, feeling happy and content with my life outdoors.”
jar, poured orange juice onto my morning muesli, and even asked another aspirant leader to bring a supply of Ryvita out for me. I was bloated and emotional but the most debilitating thing was the exhaustion. Fatigue is a tricky thing when you are expected to walk and function and also be informative, entertaining and safe in the mountains.
Despite all of these things, or perhaps because of them, I was incredibly focused on what I needed to do day by day to remain well and succeed. My usual elation at walking and exploring in the mountains was increased with the knowledge that I was doing it with my baby on board, and standing on top of some of the region’s most impressive peaks I was excited and eager to share these incredible moments in nature with my future little person.
A NEW LEASE OF LIFE
Although I achieved success on this element of the qualification, the International Mountain Leader programme has two assessments: summer and winter. I insisted until the day Izabela was born that I would have been able to complete the four-day winter snowshoeing assessment, including timed avalanche transceiver searches, whilst being eight months pregnant. In fact, I even had a little rant about it while I was high on gas and air in the birthing pool, much to my partner’s amusement. Who knows, maybe I would have passed. But I made the decision after returning from Spain that I would use the winter season to develop my skills and knowledge, in the hope I could attempt the final part of my qualification in 2021.
I returned to my UK work and as my pregnancy progressed and symptoms eased, I had a new lease of life and bounced through the final Duke of Edinburgh (DofE) expeditions of the season, feeling happy and content with my life outdoors, soaking in the autumn light in the wide-open expanses of mid Wales, and settling down with my border collie Bella in our little van at night, planning future family adventures.
My midwife suggested that perhaps surfing was the only activity we should think carefully about, so I opted to go stand-up paddle boarding and swimming instead. I swam right through the winter and even managed a dip in Caswell Bay at 38 weeks in February. However, I no longer fitted into any of my rash vests or my wetsuit, so I made do with a sports bra and some running shorts, emerging with the biggest grin and feeling completely
energised. I only found out later that one of my friends had a blanket and gloves at the ready in her car in case I went into labour there and then!
I made reasonable adjustments to my climbing life, continuing to work as normal but choosing to top-rope instead of lead climb for my personal climbing and eventually introducing a full body harness. I became more focused on climbing photography, as this was still something I felt comfortable doing, and my local bouldering centre even set a number of ‘pregnancy traverses’, setting challenging problems without the need to gain height and thus limiting the impacts of a fall. I climbed until I was 38 weeks pregnant and only stopped when my growing belly actually started limiting how close I could get to the wall, making it uncomfortable and somewhat less enjoyable.
I was constantly buoyed and surprised by how well received my pregnant adventures were in the climbing and outdoors community, with many people showing support, particularly other women, who perhaps had never considered being able to climb when pregnant.
Equally, the companies I work with were wonderful throughout, operating with understanding and flexibility that enabled me to continue comfortably until the end of the season, whether that was climbing on Gower, caving in the Brecon Beacons or working with DofE groups in mid Wales and the Peak District.
My most challenging work came in November in north Wales battling heavy rain, sleet, snow, bogs and high winds as I worked with a group of potential new leaders. Such weather could be viewed as the ideal conditions for training, but at
six months pregnant I had to draw on all of my reserves in the middle of the night, as I heard each wave of wind charge down the Ogwen Valley towards my little tent, which was pushed almost flat to my nose while I braced my arms and legs.
UP HIGH IN THE ALPS
In December my partner Zlatko and I travelled to Slovenia to visit family and friends and spend some time in the Julian Alps. As usual I was excited to get out snowshoeing but at this stage, I no longer fitted into my softshell winter trousers, and finding maternity outdoor wear is particularly difficult. I trawled the forums and even contacted some major brands. I had little luck with the brands, but
I did find other amazing women who had adjusted their own gear to make it work. I ended up buying a pair of maternity softshell trousers from a small company in the Czech Republic, which turned out to be fantastic, and I wore them with Zlatko’s jacket.
We had agreed in advance that we would use our mountain days in Slovenia,
“My usual elation at walking and exploring in the mountains was increased with the knowledge that I was doing it with my baby on board.”
Italy and Austria for me to plan potential snowshoeing walks with clients, reasoning that this would be an appropriate level of difficulty for me at the end of my second trimester. I found it difficult adjusting my expectations for our days out and initially got frustrated at how unfit I felt – forgetting that all my organs were being moved around by the small person growing inside me. However, I found great joy exploring new walks in the mountains that I had previously overlooked.
The season was getting off to a poor start, with snow only found above 1800 metres (5904 feet), which would mean a minimum of three hours approach, so we sought out walks that allowed us to either start very high or get a ski-lift up to the snowline. I became more playful with our route-planning, leaving time for enjoying the snow and the views, and looking forward to revisiting some of these walks with our little person in tow.
SLOWING DOWN IN WALES
We usually spend the whole winter season in Slovenia, but this year we decided to return to Wales, where our antenatal appointments and midwife could be accessed easily. However, I was restless looking at photos and reading stories of others making the most of the transient winter mountaineering conditions as I got bigger and began to feel the impact on my body. I started having immense nosebleeds in the night, two of which were so bad I was rushed to hospital and had to stay in overnight, putting a stop to any grand ideas of a last-minute adventure to Scotland or north Wales. Perhaps this was my body’s way of telling me to slow down.
We did manage one snowy adventure closer to home, venturing out for one of our favourite Brecon Beacons walks a week before giving birth, and two days before going into labour you would have found me on a leisurely wander around the Black Mountain, another favourite close to home. The outdoors is my therapy, and being able to enjoy it up until I gave birth was a blessing for me.
Those days seem like a lifetime ago as I sit writing this in lockdown, with Izabela, now eight weeks old, napping beside me. She was born just a few days before lockdown was announced and we arrived home from hospital just in time for Mothers’ Day. For now, our grand adventures will have to wait, but Izabela is already exploring our local area; we set ourselves a challenge to walk all the footpaths accessible from home before lockdown is lifted. Her adventures have already begun.