One of her pals said: ‘The nearest I get to a spa is when the wean drives his toy truck over my back.’
Knowing your place
GETTING addresses wrong, continued. A reader in Stenhousemuir phoned for a car insurance quote, and when he gave his post code, he could hear the operator tell her supervisor after typing the code in to her screen: “Oh my God, I’ve got someone on the line from Blenheim Palace! What do I do now?”
Our reader had to gently point out that she should have another look at her screen as he actually lived in Blenheim Place.
Back to reality
A READER hears a smug childless woman tell her married pals that she was going away to be pampered at a spa weekend. “The nearest I get to a spa,” said one of her pals, “is when the wean drives his toy truck over my back.”
Mearn streets
SO what are the poshest parts of Glasgow? On the South Side it is probably a toss-up between Giffnock and Newton Mearns. So Jack Konopate was a bit bemused when he was moving from postcode G46, which includes Giffnock, to G77, which is Newton Mearns, to be told his car insurance would increase. When he phoned for an explanation he was told it was because of a higher risk. “Why is that?” he asked.
“Not sure,” replied the operator. “Is it a rougher area?” she asked.
“You’ve made my day,” replied Jack.
Workout woes
BUT wait, here is a challenge for the poshest part from Bearsden out on the city’s western border. Reader Robin Gilmour feels for the woman quoted in the Bearsden and Milngavie Herald in a story about roadworks being caused by a supermarket being built in Bearsden. In a classic example of first world problems, she is quoted as saying: “I’m dreading the road closure for the next few weeks. Getting to the gym at rush hour is bad enough.”
“I nearly choked on my muesli at this woman’s distress,” says Robin.
On the right track
SO back to the normal Glasgow stereotypes as Russell Martin tells us he was unsure whether he had caught the Glasgow train in Edinburgh as he had been in a bit of a rush. But as Russell says: “I then heard a ruckus at the back of the compartment where a chap in French Foreign Legion khakis was in dispute with a well-refreshed fellow of pensionable age who invited the legionnaire out on to the platform to ‘sort it oot’. Reassured that I was indeed on the Glasgow train I could then relax.”
Whining and dining
AND Irene Graham received an e-mail from a discount voucher site which offered under its Glasgow deals: “A two-curse meal with wine” which sounded a bit like a Glasgow stereotype.
TV bargain hunt
A CHAP in a Glasgow call centre for a TV company said he got a call from a customer who hadn’t quite worked it out properly as he said he wanted to cancel his account as he was moving abroad. When our man in the call centre said that was fine, and he would be sent his final bill, the caller replied: “Wait, why didn’t you offer me a discount to stay?”
When the call centre worker explained that as he was moving abroad, there was no point, the caller said: “Wait. I lied. Can I have a discount?”
Close, but no cigar, as they say.
Card-carrying star
IT was the Oscars last night, and as a toper in a Glasgow bar at the weekend said: “I should actually get an Oscar for acting surprised when a shop tells me my credit card has been declined.”