Robert McNeil

My own stance on shorts is they should not be worn anywhere outside the privacy of one’s home.

‘‘ One is not meant to be comfortable in court. You can’t just sit there picking your nose and texting

THE nation was shocked to read about an accused who turned up in a Scottish court wearing what can only be described as shorts.

When I say “the nation”, I mean me. For, checking comments on The Herald’s website, I found many citizens thought his choice of attire acceptable. They even criticised the judge for deploring the infelicitous apparel. Extraordinary times we live in.

One person said never mind shorts, there was someone in a wig (ie the judge). Another referred to “the prejudices of old fogeys”. Others referenced “old duffers” and “discrimination”. Proof, I think, that the empire is finally in decline.

My own stance on shorts is they should not be worn anywhere outside the privacy of one’s home. And, even then, I’m talking about the bathroom.

We attend court to see justice being done, not to see someone’s knees. I will admit the case was a minor one. Even the online commenters might have been shocked if a murderer turned up in court wearing shorts.

This case, on the other hand, involved an altercation over a George Foreman Lean Mean Grilling Machine. The contretemps was followed, as you would expect, by the breaking of a portable computer on the knee (presumably exposed) of the defendant. An everyday tale of life in the Borders.

I cannot consider this a serious matter and am puzzled as to why it came to court at all. But, if summoned to court, you don your best bib and tucker, partly in the hope that the judge will perceive you to be a decent, teeth-flossing ratepayer.

You can’t dress as if you were waddling off to the mall for a bridie. This is the consequence of the Good Lord giving humans free will. That was his first mistake.

And this was not the first time a punter had appeared in court inappropriately attired. At a court in Inverness some years ago, someone wore a T-shirt emblazoned with a cartoon showing the private parts of a character in inadequate shorts.

You may titter. But a court of law is no place for private parts which, again, should only ever be displayed in the marital home.

I note that it being hot on the day of the Lean Mean Grilling Machine case has been adduced as an excuse for the man wearing shorts. But one is not meant to be comfortable in court. That’s the whole point. You can’t just sit there picking your nose and texting, as if you were at work!

Who’s the First Minister? Get him to pass a law making long trousers compulsory in court. And frocks for the ladies.