RUSSELL LEADBETTER Stolen identity
Juxtaposition suspicion
GILLIAN Forbes wonders if she’s alone in thinking there’s an insensitive juxtaposition in this week’s Aldi offers brochure. It starts with two pages of merchandise related to Finding Dory, the new Pixar/Disney film, about a cute wee fish. And what are the following pages full of? Fishing gear, naturally.
Run its course
A PITHY, if sad, little notice spotted on the door of the now-empty La Tasca restaurant in Glasgow’s Renfield Street. It records the venue’s last day of trading, apologises for any inconvenience, and thanks the loyal customers who dined there over the years. It was however an expression near the end that caught our eye: “Shut happens”, it says, followed by three smiley-face emojis. RIVETING story in author Deedee Cuddihy’s latest pocket-sized book, The Wee Guide to Scottish Women: The Good, the Bad and the Gallus, out soon. One bloke relates how a slim, blonde young woman, her hair in a ponytail, came into his shop. “She was quite attractive but the main reason I noticed her was that she only had one leg and was on crutches,” he says.” After a short while, it became apparent that she had come in to shoplift so she was escorted off the premises and told not to come back.” A few days later, the woman re-appeared. When she was reminded that she had been barred, she said: “You must have me mixed up with someone else.”
Sartorial slur
CHANNEL 4 News’s international editor Lindsey Hilsum has seen and done it all during her distinguished career but even she seemed to be nonplussed by a note she has received from her hotel in Ankara. “We would like to inform you,” it said, courteously, “that we realized the laundries which have taken were in linting up, deformed and discoloured.” To which Ms Hilsum has only one response, as she tweeted yesterday: “Should I be insulted,” she asks, that the hotel “thinks my clothes are a bit worn out?”
‘Pukemon’ coming soon
MORE on the online game, Pokemon Go: Glasgow is to launch the UK’s first Pokemon pub crawl, with more than 1,000 fans reported to have signed up. “Shouldn’t that be ‘Pukemon’?” asks David Donaldson. “Of course, if one is speaking more in the local dialect, it would be a Boakemon pub crawl.”
Currency conundrum
SCOTTISH currency – James M Parker: “May I suggest that it be called The Scoobie, as in ‘Ah huvnae goat a ...?’”
Ian Shearer: “The state we have been taken to by Nicola Sturgeon it should be the groat, which hails from happier times!”
Tell me lies ...
Lenin the Parakeet says he can’t believe that no-one has yet offered up “I’ve only had ONE” (surely a Scottish classic, he adds)
“I’m never drinking again!” (Susan Milne)
“I’m not interested in the Old Firm, I’m a Jags supporter” (Foster Evans)
“I love you” (various readers)
Startling Mr Tambourine Man
SHOUT-OUTS – and we genuinely are bringing this strand to a close very soon. Sandy Smith recalls a Bob Dylan concert in the SECC. “He was well into the performance when he moved on to Mr Tambourine Man’, which involved a burst from the harmonica around his neck. He was (from memory) just getting warmed up when what sounded like an elderly Glasgow lady shouted out ‘Awa’ yersel’, son!’
“Dylan did look momentarily startled before carrying on,” added Sandy.