Emotional highs and lows of fighting breast cancer

Wellbeing

WHEN Lara Honnor was diagnosed with breast cancer at just 31, multiple thoughts spun through her head.

Would she be around in a year’s time? Lose her hair? Was she going to die never having experienced true love?

“I’d been in love before, but that real deep love, I hadn’t found. I was sad thinking I’d die having never experienced that. Then I was thinking, ‘Who on Earth’s going to want to date me when I’m bald and infertile? Game over!’” she admits. “But then I thought, ‘Stop feeling sorry for yourself – you’ve got the most amazing friends and family and so much love there’.”

This single memory sums up much of what the past two years have been about for Lara.

On October 9, 2014, she was – like 60,000 other people diagnosed with the disease each year in the UK (or one every 10 minutes) – launched into an emotional maelstrom.

Cancer may be a disease of the cells, but a hefty chunk of the battle takes place in the mind.

It “presses the pause button on life”, as Lara puts it, and when the Play button is switched on again, priorities are reassessed, identities re-forged.

While it can be one hell of a rocky ride, ultimately, it’s not unusual for people to talk of positive outcomes.

New research by The Estee Lauder Companies UK & Ireland reveals 78 per cent of women affected by breast cancer feel their outlook on life has changed, with 72 per cent saying there are positive aspects to going through the disease.

The findings were released to coincide with this year’s Breast Cancer Awareness (BCA) Campaign, which supports the Breast Cancer Research Foundation (BCRF) – and which was founded in 1992 by the late Evelyn H Lauder, Estee Lauder Senior Corporate Vice President, Pink Ribbon pioneer and champion of the breast cancer research cause (the campaign’s raised more than $65 million so far).

More than two-thirds (68 per cent) of the women surveyed said having cancer inspired them to want to try new experiences, while 35 per cent took up or rediscovered hobbies.

For Lara, who is supporting this year’s BCA Campaign, the list of positives is long.

Despite her glowing positivity, Lara is a firm believer in not sugarcoating cancer or “hiding” the difficult sides – and also in the power of sharing.

Soon after receiving her shock diagnosis (she’d found a lump while showering and was told it was most likely a cyst), she began writing a blog (Get Your Tits Out!) and filming video diaries.

It started as a means of keeping family and friends updated, but quickly grew into a space where she could document exactly what she was going through with utter honesty, including the agonising chemo side-effects, the moments of raw panic – but all interspersed with humour and cheery updates too, also very real parts of her experience.

The blog, which started with Lara breaking into tears as she admitted on camera her fears of dying having never experienced true love, also led her to love.

A school friend of Lara’s shared one of her blog posts on Facebook – and then one of her friends, Mikey, read it.

“Mikey has cystic fibrosis and is in and out of hospital, so could relate to a lot that I was writing about. He sent me a Facebook message saying, ‘I really love your blog and admire how you talk so candidly about your experiences, because I’m a guy and we’re not so open about our emotions’,” Lara recalls. “He wished me all the best and we exchanged a couple of messages.”

Communication resumed when another friend they had in common, Jojo, who Lara had met on a Facebook group for women aged under-45 with breast cancer, passed away. They arranged to go to Jojo’s funeral together, but Mikey got sick and ended up having to be admitted to hospital.

Lara sent him photos from the day, and a bond blossomed.

They started messaging daily, then talking on the phone and then last month, they got married on the beach in Brighton, where they now live.

“We’re still in that post-wedding cloud,” says Lara, beaming. She’s still amused by the “irony” of how her cancer blog led to love, and feels incredibly “lucky”.

“As much as social media can take over your life and people say they hate Facebook, it brought me and Mikey together,” says Lara. “And having cancer brought us together.” The Estee Lauder Companies UK & Ireland Breast Cancer Awareness (BCA) Campaign aims to inspire others to share their stories. Visit BCAcampaign.com To read Lara’s blog and watch her video, visit larahonnor.tumblr.com