The Herald - The Herald Magazine
EATING OUT AND DRINK
The theme of this brash new joint is short and sweet – sugar. Lots of it
FOR once I can see myself as others see me and frankly? It ain’t good. Chubby man in a black suit, specs, sitting alone on one of the neon pink benches at a two-seater near the door. He’s just snorted out loud at the swirly piles of canned cream in the corners of his plate but still ate every bit of the quite large slice of apple crumble pie with cinnamon.
He’s now looking up as the waitress approaches with two more plates of desserts. My gawd, is his double-chin actually bobbing in time with Taylor Swift on the stereo? Nope, he’s double-taking in embarrassment at what’s being delivered.
Oh dear, these portions are very large. The waffle’s an inch think and the size of a pizza. Topped with strawberries, it’s served with ice-cream, the plate scooshed up and down and to and fro with strawberry sauce no doubt from a plastic bottle.
Then there’s a separate and very large bowl of warm chocolate chip cookie dough. This time this substantial plate is just squirted with chocolate sauce. No cream. Just ice-cream.
Must be on a diet, the other diners are no doubt thinking as they stop and stare in my direction. Sigh. The culinary bullets I take for you, dear reader.
I’m not one who ever blushes about ordering numerous dishes – even when I am on my own – but I can see that three huge desserts delivered to one person at a tiny two-seater table is nothing short of a new spectator sport.
If I add that Shake It Off is blazing through the stereo at full pelt – I have Shazam on my phone; don’t think I would otherwise have a clue that it was Taylor Swift – and that this place on Glasgow’s Sauchiehall Street is heaving, despite it being a grey Tuesday afternoon in August, you’ll get the picture. It is the last week of the school holidays too.
Why didn’t I bring my own kids with me? I was just driving by and saw the crowds and there was an genuine free parking space right outside the door. Hey, I was drawn like a lemming.
There are a few schoolkids a table or so down from me and I can hear them calculating what they can order for about a fiver – the pocket money limit presumably – and the answer is just about everything. There are quite a few kids behind the serving counter as well, though they seem to work here, which is not to imply that Deesserts isn’t well run. It is.
As I cut my way through this waffle – airy, light and fresh – aware that there are plenty of fascinated eyes trained on Mr Creosote here, I think about how the restaurant scene got to this point.
First there were late-night ice-cream parlours on both sides of the river, then they added hot fudges and just-cooked doughnuts, and then a few seats and now, a few years later, here in Glasgow we have a fully fledged sit-down dessert restaurant.
OK, it’s very pink. It’s kind of noisy. But there are booths and tables and a large Willie Wonka-ish serving counter and there are waffles and sundaes and masses of ice-creams. I’ve just had two scoops of the vanilla but I’m not that keen on it at all, as it tastes like extra sugary condensed milk.
There are cookie doughs, hot and sticky, slightly gloopy. I don’t think Ben and Jerry have much to worry about there either, and
He must be on a diet, the other diners are no doubt thinking as they stare in my direction. Sigh. The culinary bullets I take for you, dear reader
of course Nutella is available everywhere and in everything if you want it. There are also pies and cakes and cookies and biscuits. You get the picture.
Many, many years ago when I was staying in Toronto the fashion after dinner was to go to on to a dessert restaurant. Upmarket desserts mainly. That’s not what’s on offer here. This is more sugar in more ways than you could ever have dreamed of, and largely