ON THE ROAD

THE only time I’ve ever tried yoga was on waking to find my head and shoulders lodged down the back of a sofa. It was the morning after a night’s gigging in Aberdeen and I called it the ‘Lost In Music’ pose. A little more comfortable, but equally disarming, is the notion of Car Yoga . . . yet that’s what Citroen came up with this week to celebrate International Yoga Day.

The car maker teamed up with yogi du jour Michael James Wong to create five Car Yoga poses to promote relaxed and stressfree driving.

Drivers were encouraged to switch off their engines and find their inner calm with meditation techniques using some of the on-board Citroen Advanced Comfort features, such as surround-sound speakers. My favourite is the ‘Driver Warrior’ pose. Standing with both legs firmly grounded, one places both hands on the car boot before extending each leg behind in turn.

This exercise, says guru Wong, will relax one’s pained pins after a long drive.

Retaining this calm and composed mindset of a Zen master is no simple matter however.

Gridlocked traffic, pot holes and speed cameras can conspire to make the most beatific Yoda a foul-mouthed, red-faced steering wheel thumper.

Thankfully, in my long tenure as a motoring scribe I’ve found there are easier ways than lay-by leg stretches to find inner peace behind the wheel.

When The Archers is not available on the wireless, I often find a CD of ear-cosseting muzak will do the trick.

Before digital, the downside was forgetting to retrieve the CD before returning the test car – having The World’s Top Ten Pan Pipe Ballads mailed back to me by Ferrari HQ was not my coolest moment in motoring. I didn’t have the heart to tell them John Denver was still in the glove compartment of their 599 GTB Fiorano.

But, believe me, there’s nothing more soothing than a Rocky Mountain High yodel when in the saddle of a six-litre, V12, 205mph supercar given free rein on the M74.

I didn’t know then that it wasn’t so much the country music calming me as the closing down of my higher brain functions.

Apparently, driving does not require top end thinking most of the time, especially when we grow accustomed to the car’s foibles and the road ahead. And this makes one naturally calm and happy. But don’t take my word for it. In his book

How To Drive: The Ultimate Guide, racing driver Ben Collins, aka the Stig from Top

Gear, opines: “To really enjoy driving there’s a part of you that just wants to be left alone to enjoy the majesty of the rolling carpet.”

He goes on to recall when filming Bond movie Skyfall he drove an Aston Martin DB5 through a mountain pass near Fort William before handing the keys over to Daniel Craig.

“That car,” he muffles through his white helmet, “with its yacht-like steering wheel and soft suspension, took me closer to heaven than anything I can remember.”

Of course, we’re not all lucky enough to captain 007’s classic car along the A82.

So, if it does all become a bit too much on the M8 on a Monday morning, please stop in a convenient and safe place. So reposed, let us now perform the ‘Screams At Universe With Fists Shaking’. Namaste.