WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO

LOSING my speech was overwhelming. I could handle walking with a limp, but I couldn’t face not being able to speak properly ever again. I found it frustrating. I knew what I wanted to say but saying it was a different matter. My communication with my family, my job and just being able to speak with my friends was an immense struggle.

My stroke has had an effect on every aspect of my life. As well as affecting me physically, it affects me cognitively and emotionally – how I feel and how I think. I thought it would only last short-term and I would bounce back to my normal self. However, the longer I spent in hospital, the more I realised this was a long-term condition and I felt frustrated not being in control.

It’s not just my stroke – it’s a family illness. At the time of my stroke my children were one, five and eight years old. The five and one-yearold were too young to understand but my eight-year-old couldn’t understand why I was speaking differently and not being able to walk properly. My wife was a rock dealing with three children, an ill husband and looking after the house.

Throughout my 10 weeks in hospital, I participated in speech and language therapy and physiotherapy. It was like being back at my first day of school not knowing what to expect. My speech and language therapist was patient and broke my speech down into parts – vocabulary, dictation and mouth movements. After hospital my speech and language therapy continued but I was also practising every day with my wife. The support once you are out of hospital is great, but only you can take control of a stroke and believe you will get better. I found the physiotherapy great as I was used to training my body to get better – instead of training for a triathlon, I was training to get better in mind and body.

Life after a stroke for me was all about money and surviving day to day. My confidence has taken a dent but with time it is getting better. I still find it difficult not being able to speak properly but I need to remember where I came from.

For me, getting better is about the mental and physical aspects. My mental health is better but my physical health is improving over time. I have no hesitation doing the things I was doing pre-stroke like cycling, swimming and socialising.

I may do them slower, or differently, but I can still do them well.

After I secured a job my wife and I thought about our perspective on our life. We decided life is short so we sold our house and moved into another. We don’t think much about the future. My work days are shorter and less stressful. We spend a lot more time volunteering. Over the next year I want to tackle The North Coast 500 circuit, complete my MBA and a cycle challenge for the Stroke Association.

PHOTOGRAPH: IAN JACOBS