Happy Father’s Day

Well-known Scots on what their dads taught them (and what they taught him)

IF we accept that manhood and masculinity have changed greatly since the turn of the century it follows that dadhood and whatever -inity you attach to it have too. Sure, the interminable Father’s Day offerings at the supermarkets still play to the stereotype – Jason Statham boxset, anyone? – but beyond the cliche of the sofa-bound dad enjoying a bonanza of beer, crisps and football there’s a truer picture, one of a more participatory father who may even feel embarrassment at being asked to put his feet up and crack open a cold one today when he could be vacuuming the curtains, washing the sheets and preparing three different lunches for the kids.

Okay, perhaps that’s taking things a little too far. Many a cold one will be cracked open today, some football might be watched (good luck finding it, though) and a study published last month shows that even in lockdown women are still doing most of the housework and childcare. Still, there’s no denying the fact that in the span of the life of, say, Brooklyn Beckham, an awful lot about fatherhood that was once taken for granted has shifted. And probably forever.

I use Beckham Jnr as a useful measure of change because dad David was the original “metrosexual”, a term implying a degree of vanity and a working knowledge of moisturiser but also a break-down of traditional gender roles, and it was from the metrosexual that the New Dad sprang. Brooklyn Beckham became 21 in March, meaning a generation has grown up and come of age in an era in which fathers – those self-same New Dads – have seen their rights regarding parental leave strengthened and codified, the expectations placed on them increased accordingly, and a wealth of research published that covers everything from the hormonal changes that occur when men become fathers to the cognitive benefits that accrue to babies and toddlers from increased interaction with their dads. At the same time, more men are working from home. The stay-at-home dad who acts as main carer while his partner goes out to work isn’t an anomaly, he’s a fixture of virtually any primary school playground in the country. That’s progress.

Put it another way: for men who have become fathers in the last couple of decades it means priorities have been re-calibrated, ambitions re-addressed and measures of success re-defined. The distant disciplinarian who valued worth in terms of the regularity of his promotions and the weight of his pay packet has been edged out of the picture by a guy who does the school drop-off and pick-up, can handle a nappy, knows that NCT isn’t a kind of sports car and who, most of all, is involved in his children’s lives in a way which is different from the past and which sets a template for the future. Overleaf we meet a selection of Scottish men, hear how fatherhood has changed and affected them – and learn what their children make of their efforts so far.

Derek Dick, 62, is a singer-songwriter best known as Marillion frontman Fish, and passionate gardener – see funnyfarmkitchengarden online. His daughter Tara Nowy, 29, is a PR and former model.

Derek

What has your child taught you? The mysteries of social media and that most tech does not respond to swearing loudly at it.

What one thing would you wish to teach her and why? How to grow her own food and discover the myriad benefits of gardening. With the “new normal” on its way we need to relearn old skills and discover what’s important. She is, I am proud to say, now standing at the garden gate. Peace has no price.

What did your dad teach you? To always be open, honest, caring and understanding of others, that money is not to be worshipped, a betrayal should never be a surprise, family is of paramount importance and I should always be there for my daughter.

What is the biggest sacrifice your dad made for you? Buying season tickets for Hibs in the early 1970s so we could at least spend a few hours together at Easter Road away from his ever-demanding commitment to the family garage business. The tears of despair over the years in pursuit of the ever elusive “holy grail” of the Scottish Cup were finally all made worth it when we lifted the trophy in May 2016. Tara and I both saw him in hospital the day after the match and he left us the next day with the biggest smile on his face. A perfect send-off.

What was your dad’s relationship like with his own dad? Love and emotions were not expressed well during their lifetimes. My dad worshipped his father, but it was, at times, a difficult relationship as my grandfather was a very uncompromising alpha male, a product of First World War experiences. My dad and I talked about him a lot when we both got older and had a very close relationship. My father was scared of him and respected and loved him deeply at the same time. We all continue to learn from the previous generation’s mistakes.

Tara

What has your dad taught you? To stand my ground, to stand up for what I believe in. But, most importantly, never to judge anyone by their colour, creed or background.

If you had a child, what would you want to teach them? I would want our relationship to be as close as mine with my parents. A lot of that comes from being open about your feelings and talking things through.

How different do you think life is for you than it was for your dad? There were definite differences before, but I feel everything is about to change a whole lot more after this pandemic, hopefully for the better, socially and economically, as we have all had time to reflect and learn.

What is the biggest sacrifice your dad has made for you? My mum got cancer when I was small and my dad came off tour to look after the family through that tough time.

The MacPhee family hail from South Uist. Kerry MacPhee, 34, is a cyclist and community liaison officer based in Stirling and her father Don, 63, is skipper on the Renfrew Ferry. He recently hit the headlines after diving into the River Clyde to save a woman.

Don

What has your child taught you? Having children is a great leveller. What always intrigued me when Kerry and her four siblings were growing up is getting that child’s view and how often what they said was completely unexpected.

What one thing would you wish to teach them and why? That everyone is equal. Very quickly they learned that appearance is not the way to judge a person.

What did your dad teach you? No matter who are dealing with, sit and talk to the person – not to the job, status, or suit.

What is the biggest sacrifice your dad made for you? His time. He was a schoolteacher and when he wasn’t working, I would always tag along with him. We’d go fishing and out on the hills doing the peat. When I had my own kids, I understood the value of engaging with your children in whatever you were doing, be it taking

apart an engine or butchering a sheep.

What was your dad’s relationship like with his own dad? They were very close, like most island families are. My dad died when I was 15. Afterwards I became known as “Don Theresa” because Theresa was my mother’s name. As is tradition, most of the other lads were known after their fathers.

Kerry

What has your dad taught you? A wee nugget of simple advice in Gaidhlig, “Cum a’ dol”. In English, it means keep going. He’s a grafter of a man, a typical islander spinning a dozen plates at once who will never say no to helping someone.

If you had a child, what would you want to teach them? The importance of community. By that, I mean having their own strong tribe of friends who, outwith their family network, are people they could ask for help and equally give support to.

If you could teach your dad one thing, what would it be? Sometimes it’s okay to say no to people.

How different do you think life is for you than it was for your dad? He has been an island man pretty much all his life. My dad left South Uist for secondary school in Fort William and a brief period at university, although never for very long. I’ve been in

Stirling since I left home for university and had opportunities he never did.

What is the biggest sacrifice your dad has made for you? When I was growing up, my dad was a scallop diver. That’s a tough gig to provide for your family. He’s had the bends from diving, which was serious, but still kept going. The smell of Fairy washing-up liquid always reminds me of him because he would get one of us to cover the zip across the shoulders of his diving suit with it to help yank it closed or open.

Niall Mackenzie is a three times British Superbikes champion and former Grand Prix rider. His son Taylor competes in British Superbikes

Niall

What has your child taught you? That I don’t know it all. I had a defining moment in 2010 when we were having a heated debate about his riding. Taylor said: “Don’t just tell me what I’m doing wrong, tell me how to do things correctly and I’ll do my best to change”. I walked off and had a chat with myself, and took that on board. Also, I realised then constructive criticism and support is much more productive than criticism.

What one thing would you wish to teach him? My job is more or less done now but from early on I made manners, looking everyone straight in the eye and shaking hands (different times now!) a priority. Basic stuff, but it has served him well.

What did your dad teach you? He was a fan of the Queen’s English so he taught me the importance of speaking properly. I grew up on a very working class council estate in central Scotland and communicated in as much slang and rough language as the next guy, however, in his company I spoke differently. That served me well when I began to travel and meet people in later life. He also taught me to drive a car while at primary school, which was awesome.

What is the biggest sacrifice your dad made for you? Having me. He was 59 when I was conceived with his much younger second wife Amelia (32). I wasn’t planned and my mum hid her pregnancy until the day I was born. She complained of indigestion at work, disappeared at lunchtime and came back with me. Despite all of this I was always very much loved and cared for.

What was your dad’s relationship like with his own dad? His dad died before I was born, but I think his relationship was similar to mine with my dad. He had lots of brothers and sisters but my dad was encouraged to spread his wings so went to work in the tea industry in India in his early twenties. His dad was the station master at Forres.

The smell of Fairy washing-up liquid always reminds me of him. He would get one of us to cover the zip on his diving suit with it to help yank it closed or open

Taylor

What has your dad taught you? That he can fix almost anything with Jubilee clips, duct tape and Araldite.

If you had a child, what would you want to teach them and why? That you shouldn’t fix most things with Jubilee clips, duct tape and Araldite. Doing things properly is better in the long run.

If you could teach your dad one thing, what would it be? That Google is here now so things can easily be repaired properly without the need for Jubilee clips, duct tape and Araldite. That said, he’s the kind of guy you’d want if you were stranded on a desert island. He’d be the guy that could build a shelter and make a boat.

What is the biggest sacrifice your dad has made for you? A relatively financial secure retirement to fund my early racing career.

Douglas MacIntyre has run The Creeping Bent record label since 1994. He is currently making music under the name Port Sulphur. He is the father of five, including Dugald and Sonny.

Douglas

What have your children taught you? They have taught me to be more open-minded. I was 38 when I became a father for the first time, and probably set in my ways. I feel I am constantly learning by looking at the world from their perspective.

What one thing would you wish to teach them and why? I’d like to think I’ve helped pass on some of the basics regarding right and wrong. I have been successful in teaching the boys that there is only one team in Lanarkshire. Both are season ticket holders for Hamilton Academical.

What did your dad teach you? My dad was brought up in rural South Lanarkshire

(as was I), and he taught me about natural history, particularly ornithology.

What was your dad’s relationship like with his own dad? My dad had a good relationship with his own father, who was a Highlander. He spoke the Scots tongue, which was absorbed by my dad and, in turn, me. They spent most of their spare time fishing for brown trout in local rivers, which, again, is something that has passed down to me and my children.

Dugald, 18

What has your dad taught you? My dad taught me how to play chess. He also taught me how to fish for brown trout. He has also taught me what is wrong and what is right.

If you could teach your dad one thing, what would it be? I’d teach him how to play computer games.

Sonny, 13

What has your dad taught you? How to play football and fish.

If you had a child, what would you want to teach them and why? To stick up for yourself and your friends.

If you could teach your dad one thing, what would it be? How to play FIFA 20.

Compendium by Port Sulphur is now available, creepingbent.net

Clockwise from main: Derek Dick aka Fish with his daughter Tara Nowy; Douglas MacIntyre with his sons Dugald, on left, and Sonny; Kerry MacPhee and her father Don; and motorcycle racer Taylor Mackenzie and his father, former Grand Prix rider Niall