Behave yourself

I’M a stickler for good manners, but all I mean by this is common decency, not rules about cutlery and nose-picking. Accordingly, I’ve never approved of Debrett’s, not just because I’m prejudiced against the upper classes, but because it’s rude to tell people what they ought not to do (see earlier). Accordingly, Debrett’s ought to shut up.

My attention has been drawn – how I used to love when newspaper letter-writers deployed that phrase with its implications of underlings perusing publications the writer would never stoop to reading – to an item highlighting a forthcoming volume called Debrett’s Guide to Hosting & Entertaining.

As I won’t be indulging in either of these satanic activities, I feel it only fair that this book should be burned. Apparently, it’s full of bilge about smiling with your eyes while masked and replacing your best china with paper plates.

In the unlikely event of my holding a party, the only restrictions would be having to drink your Tennent’s from a tin rather than a glass and that your mask should be tight enough to stop you talking.