The Herald - The Herald Magazine
Ron Mackenna
KA PAO
IT’S official: normal service has now been resumed, I can tell you this after slipping down to Ka-Pao’s basement coolness early on a quiet Monday evening and finding the walls awash with the long lost tinkle and timbre of many, many diners chatting. And what diners. Young people, beautiful people, tanned people, white teeth a-dazzle, summery clothes a-dangle, I even see bare ankles above those velvet loafer things on some guys. Eek. It’s as if all those holiday clothes put aside for Marbella have been hauled from the Rimowa suitcases and repurposed for summer in this city.
Of course the metaphorical piano stops playing as I lower my dusty and dog-eared carcass into one of those post-lockdown booths. Somewhat spoiling the glittering moment. But my money’s as good as anyone’s, buster.
Interesting snippets? They’ll maybe do 200 diners today, a waiter will mention later and I’ll think: bloody hell: 200.
On a Monday? During the Fair? While the pandemic still lurks in corners and shadows?
Don’t ask me which waiter because the only thing nudging this whole scenario off into another dimension is the fact the staff have to wear those masks. And we, the people, don’t. I can’t stop thinking of Area 51, Mulder and Scully.
In fact, Lindsay will lean over later and say: you’ve got to feel for those poor people working in that open kitchen. Masked up in this heat.
I’ll turn and agree but will still be trying to shake alien autopsies from my mind. Surgical waiting staff: the new now.
Of course, there’s lot like the old days. We still get the Ka-Pao soft-shoe shuffle. All that: have you been here before, can I tell you how this works?
Cut to the chase, buddy, and tell us how many of these small plates we should be ordering. When he says six, I think: each? Noooo. Between you, he corrects. Then comes the sting: and after you have decided what you like you should order some more.
We will order nine dishes, between us two blokes and it’s more than enough. They’re clever, the guys behind this Scottish-Asian, mish-mash, mash-up as I’ve said before.
It’s linked to Ox and Finch, but unlike Ox
Post-lockdown and it may be limited menus but not that I could tell; the caramel chicken, that massaman curry, even the corn ribs. Great.
4/5
A bowl of gloopy sauce punctuated by a smear of coconut, but…the meat is tender, the spicing has punch and we use the side dish of rice to soak up every remnant.
They do a cutesy soft serve ice cream as the sole dessert. Mango and calamansi. It’s okay.
The whole meal is much better than okay, though. Ka Pao’s not haute cuisine, it’s not really authentic anything either. It’s a little bit Jamie Oliver flavour geezerism meets South East Asian exotica.
For a fast thrill: that’s a good thing.
If you know a restaurant Ron should review, email ronmackennadefence@gmail.com
It’s a little bit kiss-me-quick, but who doesn’t like that now and then? The corn ribs, caramel chicken, the massaman curry all packed with punch.
8/10