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Alison Rowat’s TV review
ALISON ROWAT
IMAGINE an hour of television heaven. What would it be for you? Perhaps something cultural and improving on BBC4, such as a complete history of manhole covers, or an era-defining edgy drama on Channel 4. Me, I’ll take two middle-aged blokes with heart conditions, and Amy Turtle.
former, while
supplied the
offered the chance to delight again in Crossroads, the world’s most badly acted soap (and yes, I have seen Hollyoaks).
We are now in the third series of M&W, and like all the best television ideas the concept is simplicity itself. A couple of comedians, both having suffered serious ticker trouble, travel round the country fishing and staying in nice places. They spend the days shooting the breeze while Paul Whitehouse, the experienced angler, tries to make Bob Mortimer a little less useless with a rod. Paul’s other job is to pick Bob up when he falls over, which happens a lot.
The last run ended with the lads
– I feel we should call them that – salmon fishing on the Tay. Bob had failed to realise his dream of landing the king of fish, so there was nothing else for it but to head north to the
Tay and try again.
The weather was bonny and the scenery majestic. “Dream land,” Whitehouse called it. The only sound, apart from laughter and chatting, was the river burbling. This was television to enjoy with your eyes closed. The talk was mostly silly stuff, but when it turned to serious matters, in this instance the death of a parent, the shift in tone never felt forced.
There was much bleeping by the riverside as Bob attempted to cast a line without hitting Whitehouse and the ghillie. No spoilers as to the outcome, but Bob ended the day with the world seeming a lot brighter. I’ll bet my last fishcake many viewers felt the same.
No time to stay misty-eyed because it was straight into Harry Hill, making a brothel-creeper clad leap from ITV to the Beeb. This was basically the same show – clips and gagtastic commentary – Hill usually does, but this being BBC2 it had to have a more rounded purpose than making viewers laugh (though I would have said that was noble calling enough).
So Harry delivered a half hour masterclass on soaps: from the first one on British TV (The Grove Family, 1954), to classic plots (weddings that go horribly wrong, false pregnancies, “notoriously flammable” pubs etc), and all points in between. The clips were perfect, the editing brilliant – that “two teas please” sequence from EastEnders – and the narration just right. Hill made it look easy; it’s not, as many a researcher, hiking through hours of material, would testify.
At the heart of
was another buddy double act. Nick Nairn provided the cooking skills and Dougie Vipond led the easyosey chat. The chaps – being BBC Scotland types to their core they are definitely not lads – run a tight ship, their other show, a travelogue, providing inspiration for this cooking programme. Nothing is wasted.
To freshen things up, guests are invited along to watch a meal coming together. This week, the last in the series (still available on iPlayer), weather presenter and Wonder Woman lookalike Judith Ralston and sous-chef Lorna McNee sat around while men in aprons chopped and sizzled for them.
Judith had been asked to bring a special bottle of something so she brought Belhaven beer. She was not being a cheapskate: her family hails from the area in East Lothian where it is brewed (or so she said). But the producers were definitely being tightwads when they had all four tuck into one plate of food. Pleasant enough.
You may have noticed the growing number of programmes offering the chance to “revisit” best bits from their past. It is another way of showing repeats, of course, but it is also a sign that the cupboard is becoming increasingly bare.
Location, Location, Location: 20 Years and Counting (Channel 4, Thursday) had a genuine excuse for looking back and celebrating. Two decades of any programme is not nothing, and at least here we were guaranteed a giggle as television’s favourite warring couple who are not a couple recalled their times with a batch of first time buyers (next week’s theme is homes by the sea).
Seeing the pair now in comfy middle age I had forgotten what a foxy chick and likely lad they had once been, Kirstie in her black suede boots and Phil with his hair. As for one bed flats in London for £120,000 – how we laughed.
Between Ben and Laura and Jess and Sam we did not learn much that was new. It would have been fun to catch up with the couples now to see if that first time buy, as advised by Kirstie and Phil, had worked out for the best.
But then, as they almost say, you can never go (to other people’s) home again.
What’s the story?
Getting Hitched Asian Style.
Tell me more.
The debut series was a surprise hit on the new BBC Scotland channel last year. Getting Hitched Asian Style returns to shine a spotlight on Indian, Pakistani and Bengali weddings as it charts the work of in-demand wedding planners based in Glasgow.
What can we expect?
Anticipation, excitement and a few frayed nerves in the pursuit of wedding perfection. Filmed in 2019 before the coronavirus pandemic saw many nuptials postponed, the opening episode follows law student Amani as she prepares to marry her beau Ehsin. Saffron Events owner Hassan Anwar and his team must pull out all the stops to put together a week-long extravaganza.
What does that entail?
Well, there’s the Mehndi party where the women in the family come together for a special ritual of decorative body art. And the Walima, a lavish reception hosted by the groom’s family.
That sounds a lot classier than the last wedding I went to where …
Stop right there. This is a family newspaper.
Fair enough. Anything else?
The five-part series delves into everything from customised jewellery to dance, with one family flying a choreographer in from Mumbai.
When can I watch?
Getting Hitched Asian Style, BBC Scotland, Wednesday, 8pm.
SUSAN SWARBRICK
ALISON ROWAT
HAVING provided the scores for films from Gladiator to The Dark Knight and Dunkirk, Hans Zimmer knows a thing or 30 about generating excitement on screen.
“Every director I’ve ever worked with only wished they could have had a car chase or action scene like that,” the composer tells
He is referring, of course, to the famous baby iguana chase in Planet Earth II, as shown again in this compilation.
To set the scene: marine iguana hatchlings are poking their heads out of the sand for the first time. Their mission is to get to the sea. It should be a short, simple scramble across the beach and rocks, but lying in wait for the newbies are racer snakes, superfast slitherers who regard baby iguanas the way some of us do white chocolate Magnums.
We watch young ‘un after young ‘un make the dash. It’s always the same. The little one edges out cautiously, sees nothing, and starts walking.
Then the snakes appear from the rocks and all the viewer can do is shout “RUN!” It’s carnage. Then we come to the contestant I like to call “Lucky”. Even though you may have seen his dash countless times it is impossible not to cheer the little fella on. (It could have been a little lady; it was moving too quickly to tell.)
The iguana chase is one of eight classic scenes from Planet
Earth II and Blue Planet II.
The reason for the compilation, other than filling a gap in the schedules? “To lift the nation’s spirits during a time of crisis,” says Sir David Attenborough in a new narration. There is a new score, too, courtesy of Zimmer and the rap artist and classically trained pianist Dave.
It’s all here, the bottlenose dolphins surfing “for the sheer joy of it”; the shark v octopus fight; a pack of lions trying to take down a giraffe; flamingoes parading; the whales and their hunting calls. As Attenborough