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THIS WEEK’S BEST FILMS
MONDAY
Murder on the Orient Express (2017) (Film4, 9pm)
The little grey cells of moustachioed sleuth Hercule Poirot – and cinema audiences unfamiliar with Agatha Christie’s fiendish 1934 novel – are rigorously tested in Kenneth Branagh’s handsome reimagining of the snowbound murder mystery. Poirot (Branagh) finds himself on the Orient Express in a cabin next to slippery gangster Samuel Ratchett (Johnny Depp), who offers to pay the Belgian to ensure his safety. The detective declines, but then a murderer strikes. Suspects include Ratchett’s secretary Hector MacQueen (Josh Gad), governess Mary Debenham (Daisy Ridley), former soldier Dr Arbuthnot (Leslie Odom Jr), widow Caroline Hubbard (Michelle Pfeiffer), Princess Natalia Dragomiroff (Dame Judi Dench) and her maid Hildegarde Schmidt (Olivia Colman), and missionary Pilar Estravados (Penelope Cruz).
Crank (2006) (ITV4, 10.30pm)
Hitman Chev Chelios (Jason Statham) wakes in his Los Angeles flat to a message from a rival assassin stating that he’s been injected with a deadly poison and has just an hour to live. With time ebbing away and his life with it, Chev heads out into the seamy underbelly of the city with just one burning desire: revenge. He seeks medical advice from Doc Miles (Dwight Yoakam), who tells him the only way to delay death is to keep his adrenalin pumping. So Chev does everything he can to keep his heart rate up, including gulping down caffeine drinks and engaging in furious al fresco sex with his girlfriend Eve (Amy Smart). Crank is a hyper-violent assault on the senses with a healthy disregard for good taste.
TUESDAY
Whistle Down the Wind (1961) (Talking Pictures TV, 12.45pm)
A fugitive murderer (Alan Bates) hides in the barn of a Lancashire farm, where he’s discovered by the owner’s three young children. When a chance remark leads them to believe he’s Jesus Christ, they vow to protect him, but concealing his presence from the outside world is no easy task. The premise may sound twee but, thanks to a sharp script and excellent direction from Bryan Forbes, it’s a witty, charming
film that manages to be moving without ever tipping over into mawkishness. The fine cast also helps to keep it believable. Bates and Hayley Mills are both great, but special praise should go to the other child stars, most of whom had never acted before – Alan Barnes in particular is a real scenestealer.
Scream (1996) (5Star, 11.05pm)
The premise of this horror comedy is simple enough: assorted highschool pupils are systematically stalked and murdered by a masked figure. What gives it a twist is that both the killer and the prey are well versed in horror movie cliches. Meanwhile, one of the teenagers (Neve Campbell) notices the crimes don’t just parallel her friends’ favourite slasher flicks – there also seems to be a link between the deaths and her mother’s murder one year earlier. Although the sequels would stretch the joke too far, this first movie – directed by Wes Craven and written by Kevin Williamson – skilfully negotiates the line between affectionate parody of the horror genre and a genuine chiller. If the scariness peaks during the genuinely unnerving opening, which stars Drew Barrymore, the game cast and smart script make sure the entertainment factor never flags.
WEDNESDAY
The Great Wall (2016) (Film4, 9pm)
Every 60 years, hordes of fleshhungry, green-blooded monsters called the Tao Tei rise to punish avaricious mankind. A secret military sect called the Nameless Order, led by General Shao (Zhang Hanyu) and brilliant strategist Wang (Andy Lau), exists solely to repel these hideous beasts from atop China’s Great Wall. Mercenaries William (Matt Damon) and Tovar (Pedro Pascal) stumble into the middle of this brutal conflict. The Great Wall is a special effectsheavy monster mash and glossy B-movie, elevated to entertaining hokum by directorial brio and solid performances from the international cast. Damon’s accent is a wonder of the world by itself, ricocheting between Irish, English and gruff American from one scene to the next.