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Dinosaurs rule for one last time. Be thankful for that
Damon Smith reviews the latest new releases to watch in the cinema
JURASSIC WORLD: DOMINION (12A)
SHORTLY after Ian Malcolm, played with delicious drollness by Jeff Goldblum, is reintroduced to the Jurassic Park saga for director Colin Trevorrow’s bloated series swansong, the chaos theory mathematician summarises his rationale for selling his soul to a new bioengineering behemoth that tampers with dinosaur DNA.
“I got five kids. Expenses add up,” he deadpans. In short, he’s back for the money.
You sense that commerciallydriven explanation fits Goldblum’s return to the franchise alongside legacy co-stars Sam Neill, Laura Dern and BD Wong for a globetrotting caper that never seeks to justify its existence with originality or daring.
Set a few years after the events of Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, the belaboured final chapter is crudely welded together with one terrific action sequence on Malta and some of the least impressive digital wizardry in the six-film opus.
In the same way that Jurassic Park III meekly concluded the original trilogy, Jurassic World: Dominion brings the second salvo and the over-arching storyline to a close with a narrative splutter rather than a deafening roar.
Dinosaurs ruled the Earth in
1993 and shattered box office records when Steven Spielberg transported audiences to Isla
Nublar off the coast of Costa Rica for a breathtaking tour of John Hammond’s malfunctioning theme park. Almost 30 years later, history will not repeat with Jurassic World: Dominion.
This is an extinction level event that nods affectionately to the past but has little interest in crafting a compelling future.
How I wish director Trevorrow and co-writer Emily Carmichael had personally heeded Dr Malcolm’s stern rebuke to John Hammond in the original film: “Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether they could, they didn’t stop to think if they should.”
Following the volcanic eruption on Isla Nublar, dinosaurs co-exist with humans on land, in the water and air.
Former Jurassic World park manager Claire Dearing (Bryce
Dallas Howard) and boyfriend
Owen Grady (Chris Pratt) are dedicated to preserving that uneasy balance with adopted child Maisie – the daughter of a genetic clone and “the most valuable intellectual property on the planet”.
When poachers steal raptor
Blue’s newborn and something more precious, Owen and Claire spearhead a rescue mission aided by plucky pilot-for-hire Kayla Watts.
Meanwhile, paleontologist Alan Grant (Neill), paleobotanist Ellie Sattler (Dern) and Dr Malcolm trace ecological disaster to the laboratories of BioSyn Genetics run by Lewis Dodgson (Campbell Scott) and protege Ramsay Cole (Mamoudou Athie).
Jurassic World: Dominion is a disappointment. Characters from the original film are largely surplus to requirements – Owen, Claire and friends have a firm grip on proceedings – and pivotal scenes in Malta (supposedly a hub of the dinosaur black market) splice strands of DNA from James Bond and Star Wars.
Dialogue is leaden except for choice one-liners courtesy of Goldblum, whose comic relief sweetens the bitter pill of a running time just shy of two-and-a-half hours. To endlessly quote the oracle, Dr Malcolm: “Must go faster.”
SWAN SONG (12A)
5/10
PAT Pitsenbarger (Udo Kier) used to be the star hairdresser in Sandusky, Ohio, tenderly coiffing the locks of the city’s most wealthy and powerful residents. Now, he is consigned to a grey, lifeless care home, occasionally cutting the hair of a neighbour while sneaking puffs on a cigarette behind the back of his nurse Shaundell.
Out of the blue, he receives a visit from lawyer Mr Shanrock (Tom Bloom), who is overseeing the estate of the recently deceased richest woman in Sandusky, Rita Parker Sloan. She used to be Pat’s most treasured customer until the two fell out in spectacular style.
Surprisingly, Mr Shanrock reveals that Ms Sloan left a 25,000 dollar provision in her will for Pat to posthumously tease and style her hair before she is lowered into the ground.
He accepts and calls upon former protegee Dee Dee to help him prepare for a return to his former stomping ground with a trademark theatrical flourish.
7/10
ALL MY FRIENDS HATE ME (15)
ANDREW Gaynord makes his feature film directorial debut with a paranoia-soaked dark comedy co-written by Tom Palmer and lead actor Tom Stourton.
Pete (Stourton) has moved on from the hard-drinking hedonism of his youth and he is ready to settle down with his girlfriend.
When university friends invite him away for a country weekend retreat, Pete is convinced this would be the perfect opportunity to show them that he has matured.
When the pals invite gregarious stranger Harry from the local pub to gate-crash their nostalgic reunion, the atmosphere becomes tense as Pete begins to wonder if he is the butt of a sick and twisted prank designed to undermine his newfound sobriety and confidence.