What a pantomime as summer season starts

WHAT? You’ve had enough of Goldilocks? You don’t want this pantomime to continue? You’re saying that when someone is shown to be entirely morally bankrupt it’s time to pull down the curtain on their career? And Boris can take his henchwomen Nadine Dorries and Priti Patel with him, not to mention the Ugly Sisters in the form of Jacob Rees-Mogg and Michael Gove!

No, no, you’ve picked me up wrong. We’re not talking about the Westminster farrago fronted by the Eton-educated, mendacious, opportunistic, tousle-haired Goldilocks. We’re talking about the real Goldilocks, as in the central figure in the new panto that’s now playing in Glasgow.

Goldilocks Goes to Greece sees the perennially fussy Goldie (Rosie Graham), a housebreaker and porridge thief to trade – ‘It has to be just right’ – and her sex-mad mother Pat (Fraser Boyle) set off on a holiday to the sunny Aegean.

Goldie, we learn, may be a fusspot but is not all that fussed about having a holiday romance (a woman of our times who doesn’t have to have a man in her life) while her mother is more desperate than a Prime Minister turned over by his best mates.

Into the mix comes Prince Pantaloons, (Ewan Somers), a sad figure told he has to find a bride in a day or else his father will cut him off. But we don’t feel sorry for him because he’s an arrogant, entitled misogynist who considers women exist to be used, a man who likes to hang around Pizza Express and has sweat problems.

Now, you may wonder who writer Andy McGregor (maker of shows such as Spuds and Crocodile Rock) was thinking of when he came up with this creature. You may also wonder how the story of Goldilocks and the Three

Bears fits into all of this, and perhaps conclude that the attempt to juxtapose the traditional fairy story with the modern-day drugs and sexploits trip to

Aya Napa is a little bold and fairly nonsensical.

Oh, yes you will.

But be assured there is a bear in the story, Daddy Bear, (Rebekah Lumsden), who is so desperate to punish Goldie for the porridge misdemeanour he somehow makes his way through customs and onto a flight to the Greek islands. Thereupon, he resolves to eat the heroine of the tale, after boiling her in broth. “It’s Tory broth,” say Daddy Bear. “It tastes of lies.”

And you can also be assured that this panto is more fun than watching Johnson being roasted on the spit, a success in the making from the moment this energy-packed cast walk on stage.

And in what other world will you get the chance to see Goldilocks perform an absolutely wonderful Kate Bush parody, complete with hand held kitchen fan blowing her bridal veil to give the full Wuthering Heights effect? Or a dancing bear that manages a couple of on-stage cartwheels and a series of brilliant deadpan observations.

Forget the politics for an hour. Get in out of the summer rain and wallow in big laughs, great performances daft dancing, and songs catchier than the latest version of Covid.

The cast also includes Chris Stuart Wilson, Jamie Hunter and David McKnight. Goldilocks Goes To Greece, Oran Mor, until July 23. (For the over 14s).