Filthy breeks and horny bachelors

IT’S been a good week ... for skipping laundry

I BLAME it on Nick Kamen. Jeans were just jeans until he came along in 1985, stripped to his boxers in a laundrette and chucked his Levi 501s in the washing machine with a pile of rubble.

Must have played hell with the drum. But it gave us stone-washed jeans. Shrunk to fit, no less. (Personally, I have generally found that a mechanism to enlarge jeans would be more useful.)

Since then, the humble denim trooser has been making great sartorial strides. It came to pass that the worn-out look wasn’t enough. They had to be ripped in strategic places. Once we’d patched up the torn look, we moved on to the distressed effect. Then there were those twisty ones, although why anyone would ever choose to wear breeks that felt as if they belonged to someone entirely different always escaped me.

Now we have an all-new look. US clothing chain Nordstrom has launched a line of “dirty” jeans which come with a “crackled, caked-on muddy coating”.

The firm’s website say they are “rugged, Americana workwear ... that shows you’re not afraid to get down and dirty”. Beats doing real hard labour, I suppose. They come with strict cleaning instructions: machine wash cold, line dry only. Alternatively, you could just be a total minger and save on the laundry.

But looking manky comes at a cost. Distressed? You will be, after forking out a cool £330 for a pair. Filthy lucre!

It’s been a bad week for ... love

The last male northern white rhino has joined the dating app Tinder as part of fundraising efforts to save the species.

Attempts to mate the animal – who lives in Kenya – with only two surviving females have failed and conservationists now aim to raise £7.8 million to develop IVF treatment.

On Tinder, Sudan’s profile reads: “I don’t mean to be too forward, but the fate of my species literally depends on me ... 6ft (183cm) tall and 5,000lb (2,268kg) if it matters.”

In a joint campaign by Ol Pejeta Conservancy and Tinder, app users have an option to donate when they open Sudan’s profile. Sudan, described as “the most eligible bachelor in the world”, has armed bodyguards to protect him from poachers. It’s a bitter irony these animals have been hunted to the brink of extinction in part due to the myth that their horns contain aphrodisiac properties.