The agony and ecstasy of Eurovision
DEATH metal, drag queens and Dustin the Turkey – it could only mean one thing: the Eurovision Song Contest. Six decades have passed since its debut in 1956, and now this staggeringly popular event pulls in millions of viewers worldwide.
But even in its inaugural year this lyrical love-in between the nations of Europe was plagued by claims of dodgy voting. Over the last 60 years voting rows and the dark spectre of politics have lurked in the background, casting a shadow over the camp tunes and outrageous costumes.
Back in 1956, just seven countries took part; over the years it expanded to 42, with 26 countries making it to last night’s final. By the time you read this, 200m-plus fans across the globe will have gathered around their TV screens last night to celebrate or castigate the 2017 winner. Eurovision has become the ultimate big night in, where you gather your mates, some beers, and jeer and cheer at the telly for all you’re worth.
So here we look back at some of the more memorable performances in the competition’s long and fabled history. From the outrageously camp to the mind-bogglingly bizarre, to the downright rubbish, we count down from nul to douze points.
Nul points Jemini: Cry Baby, UK 2003
It couldn’t be anyone else in bottom place, could it? And cry we did in Riga, as this Liverpool pop duo, Gemma Abbey and Chris Cromby (Gem and I, geddit?) gave the country its lowest-ever point total in our long Eurovision history. The famous “nul points” was handed to the couple after a howlingly off-key, mega-cheesy, horribly choreographed, cringe-worthy performance. Although not the first act to fail to gain any points, the fact that there were more countries than ever before voting doesn’t reflect well. You might generously attribute some of the backlash to the Iraq War, though watching it back it’s pretty clear that this was a stinker. It has since gone down in British Eurovision folklore, with unsuccessful entrants ever since being able to say: “At least we did better than Jemini.” Honking.
Un point Peter, Sue and Marc: Djambo Djambo, Switzerland 1976
In 1979 the Swiss put forward a group that would become prolific Eurovision contestants, entering four times in 71, 76, 79 and 81, each time in a different language. This performance in The Hague, their second attempt, is certainly their most memora- ble. A ballad about a sad clown wishing for a return to his fo r me r glory under the big top, the singer, Sue Schell, was accompanied by an actual sad clown playing a barrel organ, with the act given added Eurovision-classic bonus points for clumsily switching to an acoustic guitar for the chorus. Fans of anything cringey will enjoy the awkward close-ups of the two’s mortifying interactions.
Deux points Verka Serduchka: Dancing Lasha Tumbai, Ukraine 2007
A controversial entry as many Ukrainians didn’t appreciate being represented by a drag act. Europe, however, enjoyed Verka’s act enough that it managed to score second place in Helsinki. Notable for the sparkling silver and gold numbers worn by Verka and her backing dancers, including the number 69 on the back of the lead singer’s jacket. The title of the song itself was said to have come from a Mongolian phrase for “milkshake” or “whipped cream”, though this was later debunked. It also had a phonetic resemblance to “Russia Goodbye” in the singer’s native language (worth noting that Ukraine’s Orange Revolution against state corruption and the pro-Russian president occurred a few years prior), though this was probably not intentional. Probably.
Trois points Dustin the Turkey: Irelande Douze Pointe, Ireland 2008
Ireland is the most successful country in Eurovision history, winning seven times. In 2008, though, their chosen act couldn’t make it past the semi-finals despite the song title predicting top points. Rather than selecting one their many pop stars, the Irish decided to enter a TV ‘personality’ known as Dustin the Turkey, a talking