Mushy pears – a match made in hell

It’s been a good week for … dress codes

A SWANKY members’ club has unveiled a new set of sartorial rules that guests will have to follow if they want to get past the doorman. Derek Blasberg, who is overseeing the revamped dress code at Annabel’s in Mayfair, has made it clear that certain faux pas won’t be tolerated.

Firmly on the veto list: “Cheap, ill-fitting suits. Denim that is holey or deemed distressed. Shoes that women can’t walk in. Hats at night. Sunglasses at night, even if they’re prescription.

“Nipples on women. Nipples on men, especially. Dirty fingernails. Cargo pockets. Spikey hair. Men in shorts. Women in shorts. Exposed bra straps. Visible panty lines. Sports bras.”

Surprisingly, trainers – long the scourge of bouncers everywhere – will be permitted, albeit on the strict premise that they “should not look like they’ve actually been used to play sports”.

The biggest style crime? Couples who dress to match, which Blasberg finds “annoying and gimmicky”. Think Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake’s double denim disaster. The retinasearing black leather Versace jumpsuits of Victoria and David Beckham in their heyday. Or middle-aged couples in identical North Face jackets pottering around Waitrose.

It’s been a bad week for … first-world problems

We have officially reached peak ridiculous if a new poll on the top “firstworld problems” in modern Britain is to be believed. Researchers working with a behavioural psychologist from Goldsmiths, University of London compared the trivial worries reported today with those faced by people now aged 50-plus 20 years ago.

A survey of 2,000 people aged 18-70 said they fretted most about waiting in all day for deliveries, forgetting passwords, leaving their phone at home and not having free WiFi.

Back in 1997, having a happy relationship, earning enough to pay the bills, affording a holiday and getting on the property ladder ranked as the leading concerns.

Perhaps the most unsettling trend is that one in three people described experiencing what has been dubbed “avocado anxiety” about the popular brunch food being either too hard or overripe.

Get a grip, Goldilocks.