The Jewish Chronicle - - COMMENT -

IT HAS been a fre­netic week in the Mrs Co­hen house­hold since Sam Cam got in touch last week. “Dave is re­ally wor­ried,” she said. “His pop­u­lar­ity is go­ing down the tubes just as the econ­omy is im­prov­ing. There was that hu­mil­i­at­ing episode try­ing to keep the wrong chappy out of the EU pres­i­dency, the Scots are re­belling and Eng­land didn’t do very well [do­ing some­thing or other, good­ness knows what] in Brazil. Can you help?” I have to say that my heart sank – I seem to spend my whole life try­ing to get politi­cians out of sticky sit­u­a­tion (lit­er­ally in the case of Bibi and the ice-cream de­liv­er­ies). But then some­thing oc­curred to me. Lots of the Cab­i­net are old, grey, stale and male. It must be time to shake things up a lit­tle. Ken Clarke for ex­am­ple still wears suede Hush Pup­pies — a great look in 1967, but a lit­tle tired now. And as for that Michael Gove — well, we know he’s good on dis­ci­pline, so maybe move him to the whips’ of­fice? Dave, Dave, Dave, I said – you need to get some women in and a few younger guys (prefer­ably with black shoes). I’m de­lighted that he has seen the light – Es­ther McVey is in the cab­i­net, as is Liz Truss who wrote that en­chant­ing book about gram­mar (at least I think that’s her). Any­way, Sam says that Dave is think­ing of mak­ing me a peer in the New Year’s Honours – I’ve in­ti­mated that I don’t think that would be great for my im­age. But then again, Baroness Co­hen? Hmm...

More bad news from the Mid­dle East. On top of all the rock­ets and time spent in the bomb shel­ters, it has emerged that Neil Young has had to can­cel his con­cert in Is­rael. This is a shame, be­cause when you are in a war sit­u­a­tion, there is noth­ing more sooth­ing than a lit­tle Cana­dian folk rock to com­bat the stress. But it also means that hor­rid Roger Wa­ters from Pinko Floyd is gloat­ing about how he has got his way about Neil not play­ing in Is­rael. Well, duh – Neil wants to come back, and I’ve told him that he might want to bring Crosby, Stills and Nash with him (if they are still alive). That should shut Roger up.

Ap­par­ently, there is trou­ble in par­adise. A group of mil­i­tant athe­ists are try­ing to dis­man­tle the eruv in Mi­ami Beach, which is ter­ri­ble news. Af­ter all, how is a girl meant to get her sun­cream, shades and sun-lounger in place on a Satur­day? I have a good mind to can­cel my hol­i­day, but see­ing as I have booked off un­til Rosh Hashana, I can’t re­ally af­ford to do that now.. Any­way, the fact that I will need to put in the hard yards pool­side means I won’t have a mo­ment to write to you, so have a lovely sum­mer and don’t for­get to be fab­u­lous.

Baroness C’s ad­vice: don’t for­get to be fab­u­lous

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