MRS COHEN’S DIARY
IT HAS been a frenetic week in the Mrs Cohen household since Sam Cam got in touch last week. “Dave is really worried,” she said. “His popularity is going down the tubes just as the economy is improving. There was that humiliating episode trying to keep the wrong chappy out of the EU presidency, the Scots are rebelling and England didn’t do very well [doing something or other, goodness knows what] in Brazil. Can you help?” I have to say that my heart sank – I seem to spend my whole life trying to get politicians out of sticky situation (literally in the case of Bibi and the ice-cream deliveries). But then something occurred to me. Lots of the Cabinet are old, grey, stale and male. It must be time to shake things up a little. Ken Clarke for example still wears suede Hush Puppies — a great look in 1967, but a little tired now. And as for that Michael Gove — well, we know he’s good on discipline, so maybe move him to the whips’ office? Dave, Dave, Dave, I said – you need to get some women in and a few younger guys (preferably with black shoes). I’m delighted that he has seen the light – Esther McVey is in the cabinet, as is Liz Truss who wrote that enchanting book about grammar (at least I think that’s her). Anyway, Sam says that Dave is thinking of making me a peer in the New Year’s Honours – I’ve intimated that I don’t think that would be great for my image. But then again, Baroness Cohen? Hmm...
More bad news from the Middle East. On top of all the rockets and time spent in the bomb shelters, it has emerged that Neil Young has had to cancel his concert in Israel. This is a shame, because when you are in a war situation, there is nothing more soothing than a little Canadian folk rock to combat the stress. But it also means that horrid Roger Waters from Pinko Floyd is gloating about how he has got his way about Neil not playing in Israel. Well, duh – Neil wants to come back, and I’ve told him that he might want to bring Crosby, Stills and Nash with him (if they are still alive). That should shut Roger up.
Apparently, there is trouble in paradise. A group of militant atheists are trying to dismantle the eruv in Miami Beach, which is terrible news. After all, how is a girl meant to get her suncream, shades and sun-lounger in place on a Saturday? I have a good mind to cancel my holiday, but seeing as I have booked off until Rosh Hashana, I can’t really afford to do that now.. Anyway, the fact that I will need to put in the hard yards poolside means I won’t have a moment to write to you, so have a lovely summer and don’t forget to be fabulous.
Baroness C’s advice: don’t forget to be fabulous