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IF proof were needed that the world is in moral decay, this is surely it. After all, how can anyone be safe when the hallowed bagel — a staple that unites so many — is weaponised?

Earlier this week, a quiet Great Northern train out of London descended into chaos, and a full-on brawl, when a group of rowdy passengers started placing bagels on fellow travellers’ heads. Bread was hurled, chants were sung, Twitter went into meltdown telling tales of #BagelGate and, soon enough, the police were called to control the carnage.

At least they had snacks on hand; anarchy can really work up an appetite.