As a gay Jew, I’m hurt by rabbis’ silence

WHETHER IT be for Pesach, Shabbat, or any other of our multitude of chagim, I am blessed to have options when it comes to places to eat — with my parents’ usually being top of the list. For many of our community this is not an unusual situation, but for me that’s where many of the similarities end.

There is always a tough decision: do I spend the festivities with my family, enjoying the Mizrachi food and traditions I grew up with, or do I spend it with my Jewish partner of multiple years whose only fault in my parents’ eyes is being the same gender as me?

When I share anecdotes of this sort with friends — of all faiths and none — the usual response I get is bewilderment, followed by pity, and some expletive asking me to check what year we are in.

However this is the reality for many gay Jews from Orthodox and traditional families around the world.

We are the people that Rabbi Joseph Dweck recently spoke up for. Those of us that want a place in the Orthodox Jewish world, but are continually pushed out. Those of us who face a decision every day — to love our partners or our religion.

Hearing Rabbi Dweck’s talk on Torah perspectives on homosexuality was a spark of light in the otherwise quiet darkness. A darkness that continues to this day.

While Rabbi Dweck has been attacked by several right-wing rabbis, the silence from many many more rabbis cuts deeper; rabbis who on many occasions — whether publically or privately — have spoken up in support of a more inclusive modern Orthodox Jewish world. These rabbis seek not to change halacha — and nor should they — but do what is possible to make gay Jews feel welcome in the communities we grew up in, and which we long to be a part. But these rabbis are now silent.

So why aren’t they speaking out? Is it fear of being collateral damage? Or do they not think this is the fight they should put themselves out for? Or even more worryingly, is the reason homophobia?

The damage that the witchhunt of Rabbi Dweck on the back of his talk is not only attacking a good man, but is making it that much harder to be a part of this community any longer.

The author is gay member of an Orthodox congregation in London. He has asked to remain anonymous