Trying to meet someone is tiring

LAWYER PAUL, 49, got married at 39, having met his wife, who is five years younger, a year earlier.

“I went on lots of dates — internet dating, speed dating. I was set up on dates, dinners where you moved from table to table meeting different people, charity dating dinner nights. It’s actually quite tiring.

“Some of the friends I grew up with got married in their late 20s. But many of my friends were doing internet dating, being set up, going to various dinners. Sometimes people would have two or three blind dates a week.

“The irony is, I met my wife at a party. We had both been internet dating but hadn’t been matched.”

Paul had reached the point “where I just wanted to put my feet up and enjoy myself, not become consumed by having to meet someone. Your spare time should be spent doing things you enjoy.

“My worst experience was when I was set up on a date by a friend. We arranged to meet for Sunday lunch and as I drew into the pub car park, I recognised two cars. It dawned on me in horror that it was my mum and dad and my uncle and aunt, who were at the same pub.

“Fortunately I managed to divert the date to another venue. But I remember getting home and thinking: ‘This isn’t the trauma and pressure you need on the weekend.’ I had three or four vodkas and then just pulled the duvet over my head and didn’t go out again that day.”

Paul believes synagogues need to create “a safe space where single people can go and be part of the community, doing things they enjoy. If they meet like-minded people, they can develop things themselves.

“You might want that window where you are not having attention drawn to the fact that you’re single. If I went to shul and got a form to fill in, I’d just think ‘well, when is there a break’?”