Tory boy is casualty in robot wars
THREE EPISODES in and the barmitzvah year series of The Apprentice has more than delivered.
In case Succot interfered with your viewing of the first two episodes (as it did our weekly recaps), we’ve had the entirely foreseeable disasters, jawdropping shows of arrogance and repeated cringe-inducing moments.
The series’ two Jewish contestants, Mancunian management consultant Charles Burns (who in the first outing came across as the definition of the word chutzpah but has since flown under the radar) and legal firm owner Elliot Van Emden (dubbed Tory Boy for having previously worked for David Cameron) avoided the chop in week one despite a dressing down from Lord Sugar. Overall it’s been two-nil to the girls’ team Graphene.
Which brings us to the third episode, with the teams tasked with programming and branding a prototype robot, then selling both this and a toy version. I’m almost certain the task was chosen so Lord Sugar could make a groan-inducing Terminator joke in the boardroom. “I can promise you one of you won’t be coming back.”
Unsurprisingly, there was system failure all round, with the girls bickering more than the chanichim on Israel tour.
Led by PR manager Jade, Graphene went for the kids’ market with an educational robot so dull I imagine most children would prefer to do actual homework. Somehow, though, they managed a few choice sales, giving them a hat-trick of successful tasks.
A female project manager — Michaela — did little to dampen Vitality’s general uselessness. They crashed with a combination of grammatical errors, fluffed presentations and a prototype that misunderstood the nature of the so-called grey market.
After this calamitous loss, Michaela hauled subteam leader Harrison and Elliot into the boardroom and the latter’s strategy of avoiding any major decision-making came apart, with fingers pointed at him for variously not doing anything and for being responsible for the overall failure.
Like his old boss David Cameron, he had to slink off with his suitcase despite his belief that those casting the vote had done so lacking the necessary information, influenced by others with more charm.
It was a sad but not undignified exit. For Tories in 2017, that almost counts as a win.