Everyone should feel safe in their own home

IN THE UK, two women were murdered by their husbands in the first weeks of quarantine. In Spain and France women are using codewords at pharmacies to signal that they need help from an abusive situation. In New York City, traffic to websites for help with domestic abuse has surged. In Australia, Google searches for domestic violence help have increased 75 percent. And in Israel, five women were murdered over a seven-week period since the government imposed lockdown. Three of them were from Arab communities. During the month from March 15 until April 15 the national domestic violence helpline received a total of 244 complaints, an average of eight complaints a day. From April 16 to April 27, the helpline received 400 complaints, an average of more than 33 every day.

Everywhere, the lockdowns are adding pressure to an already neglected issue — domestic violence and sexual abuse. Here, women took to the streets, demanding the government provide more budgets and assistance. And one community has used the coronavirus crisis to chip away at the culture of silence around domestic and sexual abuse.

Domestic violence is not often discussed in the Orthodox world. People who turn in abusers are often shunned and told they are ruining a family. Still too many put the pressure of a happy home solely on the woman. While organisations that cater to religious victims of abuse exist, they are known mainly by word of mouth. The topic itself does not make it to rabbis’ Shabbat sermons or to the pages of Orthodox publications

With the pandemic, that has changed. Charedi news outlets such as Kikar HaShabbat and Mishpacha magazine, who almost never discuss women’s issues, have highlighted the topic in the past weeks.

This has largely been due to efforts of organisations run by religious women and men who have created campaigns targeted at their communities. Ads and posters tell Charedi women how to recognize signs of abuse, where to turn, and assure them that they don’t have to live this way.

Ba’asher Tilchi, run by Fay Sukenik, normally helps women through the process of divorce. In addition to offering more intensive support to the 1,000 women already in their care with new services such as nightly Zoom calls that see 40-50 women a night speaking to professionals, they have seen a 50 percent increase in calls seeking advice on divorce. Sukenik says this is a direct result of increased abuse.

With people in close quarters, already in financial straits, and now on lockdown, precarious situations explode.

An Israeli social worker explains: “Lockdown has increased abuse. For example, some families who perhaps previously suffered “only” verbal abuse, are now seeing physical abuse. A number of families have children in a boarding framework because of their behavioral issues. These children are now home and have access to younger siblings. This leads to increased physical and sexual abuse as well.”

Barkai Center for Practical Rabbinics, an organization that trains rabbis in the human aspects of caring for a community, has also seen an uptick in questions regarding abuse. One woman asked her rabbi what to do when she saw, through her window, a neighbor’s son inappropriately touching his little sister. Because of his training through Barkai, and the network they have of established professionals, the rabbi was able to give her immediate advice and offer her specific places to turn. Rabbi David Fine, Founder and Dean says, “Training to keep a community safe from abuse and to know how to deal when it occurs, was always a fundamental part of our work. But, corona has definitely increased the need. ”

One Orthodox woman shared her personal story in a book called “Don’t Tell Ima,” the line her husband would tell the children during years of manipulation and abuse. She wrote her tale to warn other women before they get married of the signs of an abusive personality — the signs she wished she’d seen.

No community is immune from domestic violence and sexual abuse. Education and information, as well as governmental and organizational services are vital to help the women, children and men stuck in the hell of abuse. (Israel offers treatment to violent men but it is not mandatory.)

While we are on lockdown, let’s take the time to check in our neighbors. On the mother who’s struggling, on the children who seem withdrawn. If you or someone you know is suffering, there are organisations you can turn to such as Migdal Emunah or Jewish Women’s Aid. Home should always be a safe place.